This Time Won't You Save Me?
by klcm
Summary: Garcia gets the diagnosis of a lifetime
1. End is Nigh

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_I'm gonna issue a warning... I'm going for a tearjerker here... I can't warn much more than that =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek jolted awake, it was midday, his first day off in over a week and now he was worried to answer the phone, scared that it a new case, one that was going to kill his perfect weekend off.

He ran a hand over his face as he answered, "hello?"

"Derek," Penelope's tear filled voice came over the line and he was wide awake, "I really need you."

Derek was wide awake now, she sounded so scared.

"Please Derek, I didn't know who else to call."

"Shh, it's okay Baby Girl, what's wrong?" He asked as he got up and begun to get ready to run for the door and get to her.

"I-I," she struggled for the words.

"Okay, don't worry, I'll come to you, just calm down, I'm sure it's nothing." He told her calmly, he had to be the stable one or he wasn't going to help her at all.

"I've gotta go to the hospital," she told him and broke down more, "God I'm so scared."

"Right let me get to you, and I'll take you myself, you don't have to tell me why just yet, but I expect to know soon."

"Just, not on the phone." She told him and the line went dead but not before he heard her crying harder and harsher down the line.

His mind began to spin, the entire he drove, he was panicking, worrying, feeling a part of him breaking away. He had no idea why she needed the hospital; the last thing he wanted was for her to be hurt.

He didn't bother to park properly, he just parked, got out and ran for the door, getting and running for her apartment, he used his key and found her pacing the small space of her living room.

"Penelope?" He asked her and she looked at him and faltered furthermore, he just swooped in and captured her in his arms, immediately feeling her shake. "What's wrong, Baby Girl?" He asked her as he coerced her towards the couch.

He kept her in his arms as she calmed herself to talk to him.

"I-I keep on getting those migraines," she felt him nod, he knew about them, he'd looked after her at work and at home when they got too intense, "and well, t-the doctor wants me to go to the h-hospital - for tests."

Derek felt stricken by that.

"There's an abnormality with my bloods and he thinks the migraines and tension headaches could be something more severe, and with the result of the blood test, he wants me to go for a load of tests, and I-I know it's our weekend off, Handsome, but I'm so scared to be alone." She said and pushed away, "I didn't want to call, but I don't want to be alone and I have no one else I'd rather have with me."

Derek sat up then, cupped his hand onto her chin and made her look at him, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be, and whatever happens, I'll be here for you whatever." He told her and leant in, "you hear me?"

She closed her eyes as more tears fell and she nodded a little at him, "good, now come on, let's go so we can get you home, I think I'd rather be with you anyway."

"Thank you," she whispered almost inaudibly through the tears.

Penelope was quiet as they drove to the hospital, Derek just kept his attention on the road, and kept the conversation high, he knew she was worrier, and right now she was panicking at what could be wrong.

"We'll be in and out." He told her calmly, except making it to the hospital, it was a totally different ball game.

He watched her get taken to a room, have more bloods taken, a physical examination, question after question drawn from her and he slowly leant just how in pain she'd been with these headaches. He only knew that at times she was rendered motionless with them, others nausea would step up and at times a few aspirin and it'd disappear, but never had he realised that Penelope had been in blinding pain over them.

She'd always kept it well hidden, and kept her mood up throughout, never showing she was weak underneath it all.

"Right I'm going to arrange for a couple of scan to be done, just so we can solve this today and get you whatever treatment you need." The doctor told them coolly, and got up and left the room Penelope had spent most her day in.

"Why didn't you just tell me you were in that much pain, Baby? I would've done everything to make you better."

"You were doing everything." Penelope told him and looked at him, "what if this is bad news?"

"No negative thoughts okay?" He told her and rose and sat with her on the bed, "all positive thinking, we're gonna find out what's wrong and we're going to get you better and then in years to come we'll look back and laugh at how worked up you got me, sound a plan?"

Penelope nodded and smiled at him appreciatively, she felt a pang of guilt from keeping him from his weekend off, but she was so happy she had him, no one else would have looked after her this well and she needed it, she needed his strength.

He didn't even mind that later that day, as they sat in the doctor's office, out of the way of the busy hospital, his hand was slowly losing feeling bit by bit. Derek didn't once complain, because Penelope was calm and as at ease as she could be and he wanted her to remain like that for as long as possible.

"Right, we've gone over the results, Penelope, and we've definitely found the problem."

Neither knew if to take that as good or bad news. The man in front of them was completely emotionless.

He took a deep, steadying breath, "I'm really sorry Penelope, but we've found several brain tumours," he continued to tell her and watched her just stare at him blankly, "they're pressing on the main nerves in the brain which is causing the pain, and because of this we can't perform surgery to remove them. The damage it will cause will be too detrimental. We can't, and won't, run that type of risk."

Penelope was breathing short gasps, trying to apprehend the news.

"So what can be done?" Derek spoke up for her.

"Well we can offer radiotherapy and chemotherapy to prolong..."

"It's cancer?" Penelope finally asked, her eyes crying, her voice strained, "It's terminal isn't it?"

The man in front her nodded, his eyes sad, they knew that delivering such news never got easier, "like I said I can set up for you to be admitted as soon as to the oncology ward, they'll start chemo, but..."

"How long have I got?"

"From the pressure on the brain and the size of the tumour I'd say no more than a month or two."

Penelope's body shuddered and she collapsed against Derek for strength, his body just hardened with shocked.

"We can make that longer by a couple of months or so."

Penelope sat up, too shocked to break now, she was composed, scarily chilled all of a sudden, "I don't want chemo, I don't want to die like that, I just want to make the most of what I've got left." She told him resolved too quickly.

"Pen," Derek finally spoke and looked at her, "Please think about this."

"What's there to think about? I've seen what chemo does to people, Handsome; it renders them useless until it either works or finishes them. We know it's not going to work for me. I want to die with some dignity and the only way it's going to work is if I just let it run its course."

"Please..." He begged her desperately.

Penelope bit her lip; she was stuck between a hard place and a rock.

"Penelope," the doctor spoke up, "I'll understand if you want a couple of days to discuss this with your partner, so I'll give you a prescription to help with the pain, these will be strong and you'll need to rest," he looked at Derek, unsure of the relationship, "can I count on you to be the primary carer?"

"Until the end." Derek told him painfully.

This was possibly the worst day of his life.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:**_Who hates me now? _


	2. In The Silence Of These Walls

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_I did warn you guys! And I'm gonna hold that warning, whilst in the other hand I'll have a box of tissues for you! _

_I wanna thank you for making chapter one a success, AND for not hating me too much! Let's see how we go shall we... _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope could feel a headache coming back on as they left nearly an hour later, after a few more tests and talks and after getting her prescriptions filled.

She felt numb, even though Derek had her hand in his as they left, she just walked silently with him, before the guilt began to sent in, "I'm sorry for ruining your weekend," she said quietly. "I didn't mean to."

Derek stopped them both in the middle of the car park and turned her to face him, he looked at her, his hand still in hers, "never say that, I-I..." he couldn't find the words to articulate right now.

"I should've come alone," she looked down, her eyes crying again, "now..." she paused and looked at him properly, her big brown eyes larger than before and so full of lost hope, "how am I going to tell the others?"

"We'll do it together, I'll be with you all the time, I told the doctor I would and I meant it." Derek said, keeping a lid on his emotions, he couldn't be a mess when Penelope was breaking, but it was getting harder and harder to do that when all he wanted to do was just pull her into his arms and never let her go.

"I can't tell them just yet, I just need some alone time, I-I..." she looked at him as she stumbled for the words, "I'm sorry, Handsome, but I need some time to just..."

"Think?" Derek asked her and she nodded at him, "I get it, I really do, I'll take you home, and I'll come by later with food and we can have a film night, like usual, how's that sound?"

Penelope smiled appreciatively, a tear dropped down her face, "I really am thankful you're here with me." She confessed and found herself pulled into a fierce hug by him; she just clung on, breathing in his feel, saving the memory of him.

Little did she know was that Derek was doing the same, he was building on his memory of her hugs because now he knew one day soon she wasn't going to be there to just give him one. He was going to lose the chance to just hug her and feel her. One day soon he'd never hear her again, or see her in front of him, and that made his heart shatter over and over again.

"I love you, Baby Girl." He said as he kissed her forehead.

Penelope sobbed at that, "I love you too." She mumbled into his chest as she just continued to hang onto him. "You'll never know how much."

He finally let her go, and smiled weakly at her, "c'mon Baby Girl, let's get you home." He took her hand and took her over to his SUV, he helped her in and then went and climbed into the driver's side, the whole ride was quiet.

"Want me to come up?" He asked her as he parked up.

"No," she smiled at him, "Thank you though, I'll see you later, Hot Stuff," she then leant over and gave him a kiss; not quite on the lips, not quite on the cheek.

She pulled away and got out, leaving him with the tingle of the one action, he watched her despondent figure walk up the courtyard and then go into the building, her arms wrapped protectively around her; he waited until he fully saw her disappear and then drove home, his knuckles paling at the tight grip he now allowed on the steering wheel.

He was angry, he was distraught, he was broken and now getting home was the only thing he wanted to do until he could be reunited with his baby girl.

It didn't take him long to get in from his car and find his way going to a punch bag. He didn't keep it light, he just hit and hit and then after one final hit he backed away fully and put his hands to his head and finally caved.

He cried, unashamedly he cried, he heaved at the thought of the future without Penelope, the one woman he was in love with, and now he'd never get her how he wanted her, he'd never be able to have a family or live happily ever after with her.

He was on limited time and he knew it wasn't going to be an easy ride. He knew now that each and every day was just going to get harder and harder.

He was going to watch his baby girl die and that thought petrified him.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope didn't do anything the moment she got in, she just sat and stared at the wall ahead of her. Her fate was sealed and with it, her heart frozen.

She'd never get to grow old, and look at the man she'd married as they both grew older and older, she'd never get the chance to marry or have children, or have any shot at happiness now.

She was on limited time and she knew it didn't matter what prayer she shot out she would never, ever get more time. This was it, her run was literally running out now, she wasn't going to get years or decades, she had months.

Limited months.

She got up and went into her bedroom, she grabbed a box and put it on the bed and emptied it, she just sat down and looked at all the photo's she had. Most were with Derek, some with Kevin, some with the girls, others with the whole team.

Random snap shots lay around her and she just closed her eyes against the impending tears.

Admitting defeat she laid down, a picture of her and Derek in her hand and closed her eyes.

That was how Derek found her, curled up on her bed, surrounded by photos and his heart bled a little bit more. She was surrounded by moments that made up a lifetime. Birthdays, various anniversaries, makeshift Christmases, last minute dinners, you name it; Penelope had a photo for it.

He put the stuff he had in his hands down and then went towards her, he cleared the bed and climbed next to her, facing her, he slowly rose his hand and coerced her awake.

"Wake up, Baby Girl; it's time for a little fun."

Penelope stretched a little and opened her eyes and looked at him, "it wasn't a dream was it?" She asked him in a low whisper.

"Sorry, Princess, it wasn't." He let her down gently and pulled her into his arms, "I really wished it was."

Penelope sucked in a sharp breath, "I really thought I'd be one of those women that would grow old happily married with loads of grandchildren, stupid isn't it? That that was my lifelong dream."

"Not stupid, just perfect." He corrected her and kissed the top of her head, remaining like that as they lay there, just stuck in one another's existence.

"I never even found the man that loved me with his entire heart, I never got to meet him," she told him and whimpered a little, "I always thought one day he'd just step up and declare his love, hell maybe even come into work dressed in the sailor gear and carry me off." She laughed shakily, "or, even better, stand under my window with a boom box or something...I just wanted that, a man that was so painstakingly in love with me, that he hurt to even think of me gone from his life."

"He might be closer than you think, Baby." Derek told her, his eyes closing at the bittersweet tears, he couldn't tell her right at that moment that he was that man; it wasn't something he wanted to blurt out in the immediate aftermath of the news.

He wanted her to have a perfect moment, he wanted her to have those movie perfected declarations, he wanted her to, God forbid it, die knowing that she was loved more than anything by a man that knew the moment he saw her that falling in love with her was an inevitability.

"Let's order some food and chill, and tomorrow we'll deal with telling the guys." He'd had it planned, "they're out family, they deserve to know."

"Just not yet, I'm not ready."

"For when you are ready then." He said and leant in, kissed her forehead and then pulled away, got up and smiled at her, "It's not the end until I say so."

Penelope knew she should be grateful for one thing that life had given her: Derek Morgan, the world's best friend.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Who wants a tissue?_


	3. This Doesn't Rule Us

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_You guys are all stars! Honest, even if you're out to rid the world of tissues =P _

_And we're only three chapters in... *gulps* let's see how many more hearts I can break eh?_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope sat and watched Derek as he slept, she was sat on the little island that separated her tiny kitchen from her compacted living room and she'd been watching him as he slept on the couch for the past couple of hours.

Her eyes were sore from all the sporadic onslaughts of tears, the lack of sleep and the headache that continually pounded.

She had other problems now, every headache she got, made her think about what their cause was, she now knew their origin and she each and every time she was faced with the doom of impending death and no one could save her from it.

It was still early Monday morning and she had promised him she would let the team in on what was happening, after all she needed guidance from a lawyer and she knew that Hotch would be delicate and supportive in the best possible way.

She ran her hand over her forehead, it was all happening to fast, everything was falling down around her and all she could do was plan in amongst the mess. There were no other thoughts, she had people to tell, things to sell, an apartment she would no longer need, a will to draft up and the scariest part of it all, a funeral to plan.

That made her stomach contract; she was terrified of that prospect. She was getting an opportunity to plan the entire event that celebrated her life and she couldn't think of a bigger fear than looking at coffins and choosing one to be buried in. Or cremated, she had the option thrust upon her, did she get put in the ground for eternity or did she let someone scatter her ashes so she could be free.

Strangely the latter made her feel just a tiny bit better.

Her eyes flashed to Derek as he moved restlessly, she could tell he was having a far from perfect night, but she hadn't had the heart to wake him when she woke up in the middle of the night, both of them entwined with the other.

Now she wished she had, she enjoyed sharing her bed with him, he made everything feel better and she guessed, if she could have any wish, it'd be that he'd be holding her hand until the very end. Except, that thought shot guilt through her, she was going to be dying and he was, without a doubt, going to be sticking by her.

The one immediate consequence that that caused was for her to fall even harder in love with him.

"You're up." Derek's husky voice rang out and she snapped out of her own mind and looked up at him.

He watched her smile, but even if he made her laugh or she smiled and acted like everything was going to be okay, he could see the hidden depths of pain that struck her, a permanent reminder sticking in her eyes for him to watch.

"I am," she agreed and smiled a little more, "you need to go home for clean clothes, Handsome."

"Got my go bag in my truck, I brought a spare, knowing full well I wasn't leaving you."

Penelope's eyes watered, "I'm not rendered incapable, you do know that right? I'm still gonna be the high priestess in your life until I cease to exist."

Derek looked at her as he stood up, he frowned heavily, "don't speak like that."

"Like what? Like I'm not really dying?" Penelope asked as he came and stood in front of her, his hands taking hers, her drawn face looking up at him, "It's happening, we can't run from it."

"It doesn't have to rule our lives though," Derek told her sternly, "we rule our lives, and we're gonna rule yours good."

"I don't know if I'm going to be able to, Stud Muffin."

Derek leant down, their noses nearly touching, "I'll make up for the both of us then," he told her and then he kissed her.

He didn't keep it gentle, or friendly, he finally gave in and gave her the kiss of her life, showing her in one easy step that the man that loved her with his entire being had been sleeping next to her the last couple of nights.

Penelope had never felt so alive, and in the moments of Derek's soft lips touching hers, she forgot about reality and its darkness, she saw bright lights and sparks of colour and she felt the intensity grow as she gave in and kissed him back.

Pulling away he remained looking at her, "I'm guessing from that, you feel the same."

"I fell in love with you years ago" Penelope told him sheepishly, her eyes full with emotions, brimming with tears, she laughed a little in disbelief, "I guess I left it a little too late to tell you."

Derek watched her look up at him, her brown eyes larger than normal, her pupils wide, the line of tears sitting in wait on her lashes, "never too late." He told her and kissed her again, "I love you so much, Baby Girl, and I plan to make whatever time we have left, the most perfect time ever."

He then kissed her a third time in a row.

Penelope whimpered mid kiss, it was involuntary, but she just broke down again and collapsed into his arms as they held her. She nestled her head into the crook of his neck until she calmed and then pulled apart.

"I don't want this to end," she admitted to him, her voice cracking, "I don't want to leave you."

"Shh, you're not leaving me just yet." He soothed her and ran a hand around her face, wiping the tears away as he went, "come take a shower with me." He told her and kissed her lips gently, "I'm where I need to be and I just need to have you as much as I can."

Penelope didn't argue, she could hear the sheer tones of desperation lacing his voice and she just listened and let him lead the way.

She had nothing to lose now, but she still had everything to give.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Walking into work, Derek went with her to her office and made sure she was okay.

He found it easy to envelope her with love, he stood, his arms around her, and kissed her tenderly, "you know where I am, if you need me."

"You're about 40 steps away." She teased, "day to day right?"

"That's right, Baby Girl," he agreed, "you tell them today, they deserve to know."

"I know, but how do I tell them I'm dying?" Penelope looked at him fearfully, "it was different with you, you found out when I found out, I'm letting them know, I'm going to have to see their faces, I'm going to have to hurt them."

"And they're all going to step up, be the family and support you need, Baby, don't doubt them and don't shut them out. That's the worst thing you could ever do. Promise me you won't shut anyone out?"

Penelope looked at him intently, "how can I?"

"You can't." He told her, kissed her forehead and backed away, "you need pills, you come to me, you need a break, come and get me."

"You can't put your life on hold for me, you have a job to do, Handsome, remember that."

"I also have a girl in my life that is worth more to me than any job." Was the last thing she heard as he left her office with a cool smile.

She had no time to argue back and she had no reason to, she'd never win the argument anyway.

So she listened, and she worked and she procrastinated for the right reasons. It was until she caught a glimpse of a photo of her, JJ and Emily and she faltered.

She couldn't knock them all out at once, JJ wasn't a part of their team anymore, so this wasn't going to be the first and last telling and then she closed her eyes, there was Kevin, she may not be inclined to him romantically but her and Kevin were near enough best friends after their 2 year spell of love. He relied on her in a similar way she did Derek; she had to tell him too.

With that thought she pushed herself away from her computers and walked to the bull pen, she couldn't leave this any longer, she needed them to know, and if she didn't do it now, she'd be _forced_ to do it and that wouldn't benefit her or anyone.

Derek looked up immediately as the door opened and he went to run to her until she smiled and just walked to him, he saw the sad smile and grabbed her hand.

"I think it's time." She said despondently and looked at Reid as he stared at her confused, "hey genius, mind going up to the conference room for me?" She asked him gently, confusing him even more, "I just need a little chat."

She looked at Emily next as she just stared too.

"You too, my raven haired beauty; up you go while I get the boss men."

"Do I get a clue what the hell's going on?" Emily asked as she rose apprehensively.

"I have news." She told her as positively as she could and released Derek's hand, "up ya go Sugar." She told him with a smile and went for Rossi's door, she knocked, let herself in and told him where to go, she then went to Hotch's door, knocked gently twice and waited to be summoned in.

She opened the door a little, leant against it and smiled, "hey Boss man, was wondering if I could drag you away for a moment."

Hotch knew something was wrong immediately, "everything okay?" He asked as he stood.

Penelope nodded tearfully, she realised she'd miss this man for his stoic demeanour, nothing ever killed him, she was going to miss him for that.

She walked into the room and straight towards Derek, she needed him most here, she needed him to pick her up if she lost her tongue and couldn't deliver the news.

Hotch walked in and immediately noted that this was private whatever it was and shut the door behind him. He then joined the others and waited.

"I saw the doctor on Saturday about my headaches," she started; they all knew she was getting them more frequent and the next one as worse as the other, "I got referred to the hospital." She took in a shaky breath, "they found several brain tumours."

She let her tears fall as she noticed the new haunted look on her friend's faces, but she needed to be brave, so she smiled a little.

"I have about 2 months left," she breathed out hurriedly, and she broke completely, "I'm sorry."

Their silence was met with Penelope's cries and Derek took her into his arms and held her close, "she was offered chemo, but they can't do anything else, the damage would be too severe for them to even think about it."

Emily wiped her face, "nothing at all?"

Derek confirmed the fear with a gentle head shake and kissed into Penelope's hair to calm her down a little. When he finally released her it was only for her to be drawn into Emily's arms and he took a step back.

He knew he wasn't the only one losing Penelope, but seeing it like this, right in front of him, he now knew it was all real.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Please tell me I haven't rendered your hearts shattered pieces on the floor?_

_If all goes well today... you might just have a second updat__e =)_


	4. The Heat of Emotions

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Truck load of tissues were delivered today... who wants one before we start?_

_I promised you a second update, you're getting it =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Telling the team gave Penelope some strength, she felt less like she was sinking fast and more like she could live day to day and live them to the fullest.

She sucked up the courage and rang JJ later that day, asking her when she was free next, that she needed to talk to her as soon as and she didn't want it to be over the phone. JJ having heard Penelope's tone made a date to be back in Quantico that Wednesday until Thursday evening, there she could catch up properly.

Now Penelope sat opposite Kevin in a little restaurant that they all frequented, the team were sitting up the back, out of the way, she didn't want him to worry straight off, she knew how sensitive he was and the last thing she wanted was to ambush him.

"What we eating?" He asked as he looked over the menu, when no response came he looked up, "not hungry?"

"No," Penelope said and slipped her hand onto his, "We need to talk." She told him and his eyes grew wide, he looked confused and terrified all at once.

"What about?" He asked as he set the menu down and sat up a little, "I mean, we already said that we were never going to get back together, so what's happened? Are you leaving?" He joked lightly, that childish grin that caught her every time beaming at her.

"In some sense," Penelope said and felt the lump in her throat form, "You know the headaches I've been getting?"

Kevin nodded, his hands fumbled together with building nerves, he was biting the inside of his cheek with apprehension.

"Well we found out what's causing them." She tried to smile, as though doing so would soften the blow of telling this story again, "the doctor found some brain tumours," now the silence happened.

When she looked up at Kevin she saw the ultimate look of terror, fear feeling his every feature, his eyes larger than before, the tears building.

Kevin would be the 5th man to cry in front of her in the space of three days, and it never got easily to watch.

"Is-is it permanent?"

Penelope laughed a little at that; she just squeezed his hand, "gonna live the best two months with me?"

Kevin seemed to choke on the air he inhaled then, "t-tw-two months?" He stuttered and looked at her to see the joke, "Is that all?"

Penelope looked down and nodded a little, "roughly that," she finalised and looked back up, "so whatcha say, my gorgeous tech side kick?" She shook his hand, "I need you more than ever for a little while longer."

"You mean until you die? You need us until you die and we're left with a memory?" Kevin said angrily, Penelope didn't expect this, but then she'd' seen everyone react differently, she had to allow this.

Knowing that though, didn't stop her heart breaking any.

"Kevin," she tried but he snatched his hands away and stood up, climbing out of the booth they were in.

"I-I just need s-some air." He told her and near enough ran for the door.

Penelope ran a hand over her head and into her hair, shaking hard. It didn't even take a moment for Emily to sit next to her hand put her arms around her tight as Hotch, Rossi and Reid all sat opposite her.

Penelope looked up just to see Derek marching for the door and she sniffed, "where's he going?"

"He knows exactly how Kevin's feeling right now," Hotch told her and smiled comfortingly, "but our biggest worry is you, you were doing good."

Penelope shrugged, "I thought he'd react, I mean he has every right to, but that was not what I was thinking." She told them and put her head on Emily's shoulder, "how's JJ going to react?" She then shot up a little panicked, "I mean how do I tell her I'm going to be dead and Henry's not going to have a Godmother, how do I tell her that?"

"The same way you told us, Kitten," Rossi told her calmly, "it's JJ, she'll cry, you know that, but she won't turn her back on you." He continued and saw Penelope relax a little, "she loves you, like we all do. We stick in this together."

"I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to do my job and sort things and prepare myself for this, I just keep worrying about you lot."

Hotch crossed his arms over his chest, "you let us worry about us, and you let us lower the amount of sorting for you, we're a family, you aren't alone."

Penelope's eyes watered again at that.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Hey man, you okay?" Derek asked as he found Kevin pacing heavily outside, he could see Kevin showing all the emotions he was hiding away, "I know it's a lot."

"A lot, Derek?" Kevin said and laughed, "She's dying!" He yelled, "out of all the people that it could happen to and they make it her!"

"I know," he sympathised, "I know big time, Kev, but she really needs us because if we sink then she sinks faster."

"How are you so in control right now?"

"Because I was there when they told her." Derek told him and Kevin stopped pacing for a moment then and looked at him, "I was with her through all the tests, I sat with her as the doctor told her the cause of her headaches and I was there as he told her there was nothing they could do to save her, it's inoperable and offering chemotherapy would only prolong what's going to happen anyway."

"So why didn't you make her go for that option? Why didn't you make her take the chemo and give us a little longer?"

"Because it's her life and she didn't want to die like that, she needs some control right now Kevin, because otherwise she's gonna have it all snatched away from her completely and then who's that fair on? Penelope or us?"

Kevin saw his point and his eyes saddened, the anger began to disperse through his body more and his demeanour broke.

"We have to respect what she wants and what she wants is the best in life." Derek confided, "Even if it means that the inevitable is going to happen. We can't run from this now, Kevin, she needs us both more than ever."

Kevin nodded and Derek thanked the heaven's above that he and Kevin became friends the moment Penelope broke up with Kevin. This would be a lot harder if they were at one another's throats, still calling one another by their surnames, shooting icy glares. They were friends now, buddies even, they did things together, talked more, and all because Penelope was their link and always was.

The pair knew that when she was gone they'd have one another because they'd lived the best moments of their lives with her. They had that common grounding.

"At least we can grow old saying we knew the best tech ever right?" Kevin relented as his eyes welled up fully, "I mean, no one in this lifetime is going to beat her, she's set the bar too high, and trust me I should know..."

"You've got a goal to reach now, to try and out do her." Derek said as he sat down on the window ledge outside of the restaurant. "She told me she loved me this morning."

Kevin turned to stand in front of him, he could hear Derek's sadness, he now realised that whatever anyone else lost, Derek Morgan was losing so much more.

"And I finally kissed her, because she deserves the one wish she has in life." He looked up at the man, "she wished she'd known the man that was so in love with her it hurt to even think of a life at her and I'm breaking, man, because I don't know how I'm going to survive her being gone."

"Well, you have back up I guess, I mean you were planning on telling her, just when you finally got her alone long enough." Kevin then sat next to her, "we've been planning it for a while."

"Well I wanna do it sooner rather than later, I need her to know that I'm not doing this because she's dying, that it was in the works, that I was just being too cowardly to actually tell her."

Kevin laughed a little, "Ironic really, that we kinder switched partners."

"Krysta looks good on your arm, she wasn't my type." Derek told him jokingly.

"Penelope is." Kevin told him, "but what I'm saying is that when I said I'd help her see, I didn't mean it as an empty gesture. She was in love with you well before I came along and then when we broke up she admitted that she was in love with someone else and straight away I knew it was you and I wasn't wrong." He shrugged a little, sniffed away the tears threatening to fall again, "I'm just glad we didn't become nasty to one another, I'd rather have her forever as a friend than not at all."

Derek looked up at Kevin and smiled.

"She said the same about you."

"That woman says a lot, but I think I need to apologise and start the whole shenanigans of the best two months ever."

"She's gonna want to know about you popping the question." Derek told him and put his hands up in the air, a smirk on his face, "I'm sorry, I just know my baby girl."

"Well then that's gonna help you win her heart before..."

Derek smirked, sadly, boyishly, emotionally, "before the heavens take their angel back."

That made Kevin laughed, "Ultimate cheese Morgan, I'm so telling her that." He told Derek and got up and walked back into the restaurant.

Derek just sat shaking his head as all his emotions settled again.

Then he went back in.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Expecting that of Kevin?_


	5. Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Okay this rendered Wordofwyrd and Emzypemzy in tears... Let that set the tone okay?_

_AND give the whole Kevin thing a go yeah? I know it's not ideal, but I mean, come on, she's dying... she needs all the friends she can to make this the best ever! =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope kept a cap on her reaction as she told sat opposite JJ two days later. That was until JJ flew herself forward on the couch and just wrapped her arms around Penelope's neck and hung on close.

"I don't want you to go," she whispered as she heaved more and more with tears."Why you?" She asked her and Penelope's tears began to soak JJ's shoulder.

"I don't know, but I got more than some people," Penelope tried as they separated, "some people don't have a chance to say goodbye."

JJ attempted to smile, "you've thought this through haven't you?"

"Since I found out," Penelope admitted, "I don't want to take on chemo, because if anything, I want to choose what I do, while I can, and I will, I plan to make the best of a bad situation because I can." Penelope grabbed her hand, "which means spoiling my favourite Godson rotten."

She said as she got up and went over to Henry as he sat in his playpen that JJ had put up in the archway to Penelope's bedroom. The little boy looked up and said her name and then put his arms up for her to take him.

"C'mere my little gumdrop." Penelope said as she leant down and picked him up, holding him as she walked a little.

"So these headaches..." JJ started, "How bad?"

"Like my migraines but ten times worse, I've got pills and they literally knock me out, I've been told I need to rest as much as possible and I got a letter yesterday saying I need to go back in 4 weeks to have a check up."

"To see how near you are to clocking off?" JJ asked tearfully, her bottom lip trembling.

Penelope blinked the tears away and then went and sat down, keeping Henry close, "I know it's hard, and believe me, I'm needing to keep a thick mask on because otherwise I would still be a mess on the floor of the shower still."

"How can you be so strong?" JJ asked as she played with Henry's foot subconsciously, her eyes crying, "I mean, how can you just be like this, like you've accepted."

"What else have I got left to do, Jayje?" Penelope asked her friend straight out, "try and run and hide? Honey, it's an inevitability now, whether we like it or not, it's going to happen, it's going to catch me out and I can either make use of my time or act in denial and waste it."

"I don't want to go back," JJ admitted fearfully, "I want to be here, I want to be close."

"You can't stop life for me."

"Pen..." JJ sobbed and quickly wiped her face as Henry picked up on the wild emotions and began to ask for her. "It's okay, baby."

"Mamma cwying." He said as he cuddled into her chest.

Penelope watched the pair and looked down at her hands, she was never going to get a chance to do that, to mother a child she could call her own. She was never, ever going to be able to make a man entirely happy by coming home one day and telling him the good news.

She was never going to get to do a lot of things and it wasn't until she was faced with them that they hurt the most.

She hadn't thought about the having children part until she'd held Henry and then the emotion riled raw in her.

"I wish it wasn't you," JJ said and kissed Henry's head and watched Penelope.

"We all wish it wasn't us, but everything happens for a reason." Penelope kept her faith, even at that moment.

JJ stood a little, and sat back so she was exactly next to Penelope.

Penelope knew what she was doing straight away, it was time to watch TV with Henry, something that was routine for them to do, something that was normal and something that would never change.

"I'm gonna wait for the reason behind this." JJ said as Penelope grabbed the control and settled, her hand twisting Henry's thin hair around in her fingers therapeutically. "If you realise it first, let me know."

"I will do, Sweetie." Penelope promised and got lost in the casualness that settled around them.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Derek came home nearly five hours later, he waited on everyone to leave after dinner, and watched Penelope grab a pillow and stare at the TV blankly, she wasn't watching it, and she wasn't making a very good job at making it look like she was watching it.

Soon he realised her eyes were darting around the room, as though her thoughts weren't focused and he went to freezer, grabbed what he needed, got two spoons and then went and took his spot next to her again.

He handed her the spoon, making her sit back a little surprised.

"Ice cream?" She asked as her eyebrow spiked up with a sarcastic look, she then saw the name, "Rocky road ice cream?"

"It's a metaphor." He told her and waggled the spoon in the air, she graciously took it and he waited for her to take the first spoonful from the lot, "how was things with JJ?" He asked her.

Derek had seen the longing looks Penelope shot Henry, and he knew she'd finally hit that wall hard and harsh and reality began to settle in. He always imagined the kids Penelope would have, the little girls that were her all over, the little boys that carried her wit. They would be perfect.

Penelope shrugged, "okay," she told him and put the spoonful in her mouth and lavished the taste, "think the afterlife's gonna have ice cream?" She turned to him wistfully, "I mean, I'm gonna need my two best friends there too."

"Two huh?" He asked her.

"Yeah Ben and Jerry, they need to be with every girl wherever they go." She joked lightly with him, but her tone and face didn't coordinate with one another, one spoke one emotion, while the other showed another, completely different one.

"Silly girl," Derek said quietly, "you know, a problem shared is a problem halved." He told her and took a spoonful of ice cream himself, "So share, Princess."

That was all Penelope needed, a friendly voice and a listening ear and she was done for, "I always did wanna be a mom, you know?" She spoke softly, her tone wavering a little under the strain of passion for that one job in life. "I always imagined what it'd feel like to find out and tell the dad, to then get the scans and fall in love with my baby and then to hold it for the first time ever, to hold what you'd created, to then watch it grow up. I just wanted my shot at that."

Derek watched as Penelope literally stared at her spoon, as she kept her attention down and he knew the moment she looked up him she would fully break as she spoke. She was trying to keep her composure to have the talks that broke her heart the most.

It was one of these reasons that he loved Penelope beyond any other women he'd met. She had the ability to dream about the future with such ease. She saw it clear and didn't give up hope for it, but now, with her fate as it were, he saw her dreams coming to an end. They were all empty now.

"I mean, even if I had a chance, who's to say I'm not passed it?" She asked him and finally looked up.

"Anything's possible, because with a little bit of will power anything can be achieved." He told her and she nodded her head at him.

"Derek?" She asked him, and bit her tone.

"What's up?" He said and turned his upper body so his arm hooked around her shoulders on the back of the couch, his entire attention was all hers.

"Can you tell your children about me please?" She said and the tears broke their threshold as their eyes came in contact, "let them know that they have the most awesome aunt looking over them somewhere up high?"

Derek's eyes welled and he didn't even stop the tears, he openly cried, "Baby Girl..." he said somewhat choked at the request.

"I don't want to become a forgotten person." She said and cried harder, Derek reacted quickly; he put the ice cream and spoons down and pulled her into his arms, "I never kept my mom and dad alive and they're just a distant memory because of it, I don't want to be that. I just want to be there on the edge of a person's thoughts, so there's proof that I did live."

"Oh God, you lived Pen, well and truly lived, Baby," Derek said rocking her slightly in his arms. "I am not going to let anyone forget you, ever."

"I would've been the best aunt ever." She said into his chest as she took in his comfort, "I'm going to miss out on so much and I don't want to, Derek, I don't want to leave."

Derek had no words to make this moment any easier, all he had was his ability to hold onto her and keep her protected and consoled in his arms. He wasn't equipped to do this, he wasn't able to reassure her that maybe, by some shot at luck, she would make it to be here with him in years, that by some off chance the doctor had calculated it all incorrectly.

Yet doctors didn't lie and doctors rarely wrong so he had to live with the facts he was given. Penelope was dying, that was the fact here, the evidenced fact.

"Promise me that wherever you are, you're telling the men that come to steal your heart that you left it here with me. Can you do that, Angel?" He asked her.

Penelope hiccupped a laugh, "I can do that, because that's where it'll be. It's been with you for years, Handsome; nothing's going to change that." She said and pressed off of his chest, Derek's hands going to the sides of her face. "I'll wait for you, as lame as it sounds, I will."

"I'll find you, wherever you go, I'll find you straight away, Baby Girl." He then pulled her close and kissed her, both of them crying, both of them living for that moment, for the intensity.

Derek wanted to freeze this moment, to keep the memory clear and sharp. He wanted to make the memory indestructible, one he could pull out in years to come and remember it as though it'd just happened but he knew that would never happen.

He knew that his promise to keep Penelope alive wouldn't hold strong, memories faded and that piece of information shattered his heart.

He never wanted to forget Penelope.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Still not hating me yeah?_


	6. A Moment To Just Be Us

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Gonna loosen the angst just a little bit here! _

_I did say little..._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope regretted having to say goodbye to JJ, she didn't want her to go, selfishly she wanted to keep her there with her forever, but she knew she couldn't go do that, she wasn't allowed, and reality was now slipping away.

And as she stepped into work, she just wanted to go back to sleep, she was exhausted and she'd come to find that every single abnormal sensation she got, every wave of tiredness she felt she couldn't help but wonder if this was what dying felt like.

She literally left Derek at the bullpen doors, he kissed her shamelessly in the corridor, he didn't care about consequence anymore, and he was living each moment to his fullest.

As she fumbled with the door, she could feel her feelings bubbling in her chest, she couldn't hide them any longer, it was getting harder with each wake up in the morning. She finally pushed her way in and was confronted with multiple flowers and smells, making her stumble back a little.

She did, however, stumble back into the arms of Derek and she quickly turned to face him, her mouth agape as the shock filtered in.

"Surprise," he said meekly as he caught sight of the room, there was no surface not covered, he didn't think you could over kill the sentiment of killing flowers. "Okay, that was not what I thought was gonna be here..."

"Well, what the hell did you think would be here?" She asked him as she turned back, "an elephant?"

"Do you want an elephant?" Derek asked her as he stepped in behind her, making her laugh, "So you don't want an elephant?"

"No, I don't want an elephant, what I want is an explanation as to why my office is now a rainforest... they're not going to survive!" She crumpled at that sentence, she hadn't meant to say it and the last thing she wanted was to have everyone walking on eggshells around her, so she stood up straight and ran her hands over her face, ridding it of tears. "Don't you dare start thinking before you speak Morgan." She berated him as he stood there with a cheeky grin. "What's with you?"

"I just find you adorable."

She dropped her hands and pulled a face, asking him to carry on.

"Beauty follows you everywhere and you're ignorant to it, even in yourself." He watched her look down, diverting her eye contact, so he just wordlessly put his hand to her chin and lifted her head back up, "you're absolutely beautiful inside and out and anyone who got a chance to love you is probably the richest person alive because of it. I know I am." He told her truthfully, "I know that when the time comes for us to lose you, I'm going to lose a massive part of me, and I wished I'd had longer with you as the man that loves you, I have never, ever been this happy in my life, Baby Girl, and that's because I've found a woman I would go to the lengths of the earth for."

Penelope squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears from falling, she opened them to look at him, "you, Penelope Garcia, are one in a million and you've touched more hearts than I think you even realise."

"You should tell yourself that in the mirror some time soon." Penelope said and Derek then smirked and kissed her gently.

"If I could give you my name and our baby in a heartbeat I would, just so that you had your shot at it all, believe me I would. I need you to believe me that I'm not just doing this because of you dying, I'm doing this because since day one, since the first time I saw you, I fell so heavily in love with you I blessed every day I had you in my life.

I almost lost you once when you were shot, yet I still remained oblivious and I refused to let you know how I felt and in the end I ruined my shot at happiness, I ruined my future because of it."

"There's other girls." Penelope told him wistfully.

"But there aren't other Penelope's." He said and she realised then what he was going for, "there will never, ever be another baby girl in my life because you are it. The one and only."

Penelope, without crying this time, just threw her arms around his neck and clung onto him for dear life, she didn't think he was here because she was dying, she knew Derek and this wasn't that, not at all. He wouldn't bleed his heart dry for anyone else, and he wouldn't trust anyone this much if he knew they were leaving them. He was doing this out of love.

"You're making this much easier." She spoke, but it became muffled as she spoke into his neck, she pulled away, "I'll be forever thankful for everything you've done."

"Until the end I said, and I meant until the end of forever." He told her and moved in, "just remember Alaska, what I promised there." He took her hand, "I promised I'd protect you every day of my life, and I will, because I always keep my promises to you."

"Except the one: the one about bringing vases of flowers into my office, where my precious babies are."

Derek chuckled, "I have a little secret." He told her and grabbed a vase, "ready?"

Penelope nodded warily as he turned the vase upside down and the flowers didn't move, and no water fell out, she then nodded impressed at this new invention, "and that's on them all is it?" She asked as she noticed a thick sponge stuck on the bottom of the vase.

"Well, of course, the oracle needs beauty, and her babies need protection," he told her and grabbed another vase and did the same.

Except this time the flowers moved and slide out and water splashed his feet and down his legs, making Penelope just laugh loudly and hysterically at the pure look on Derek's face, he actually looked like he was waiting on being spanked or banished.

"Glad you find this so funny, baby girl!"

"I'm just glad you wore dark pants today, Stud, or you could be explaining your way out of incompetence."

That made Derek laugh then, he could see her humour, "I think I'm gonna go and get something to clean up with, can I trust you to behave, Gorgeous?"

"Hmm, you're asking me that?" She asked him as she tilted her head playfully, "of course you can!" She continued and bent down and began to pick up the flowers slowly.

"Leave erm, I've got it."

"No, it's fine," Penelope objected as she continued and then stopped, her hand on the floor for steadying ease as a pain shot through her head, completely freezing her to the spot for a moment.

"Pen?" Derek asked as he dropped to the floor opposite her and saw her the look of stricken pain on her face, "Baby Girl, c'mon, you don't need to be in."

"I'll be fine in a moment," she said as she put her forearm to her forehead and tried to shake the headache off, "I can't let it rule me."

"No, you can't, but you can't become power hungry to work over it, you heard the doctor, you need to rest."

"While at work?" Penelope asked as she recovered slightly, "I don't think Strauss will be too happy to find me doing that now do you?"

Derek went to answer her but Reid stepped into the room, "sorry, guys, erm, what happened?" He asked them as he saw them on the floor.

"Little mishap," Derek said as he took the flowers from Penelope's hands and stood up and helped her as he went, "what's up kid?"

"We got a case."

Penelope heard Derek groan, as she obediently grabbed what she needed, "c'mon then my pretties, we have some bad asses to catch and you best believe me, this Oracle is going to love locking these last ones up."

Derek looked at Reid as Penelope pushed passed and made her way to the bullpen, her notebook and laptop pressed to her chest, her headache pounding, but none of her physically showing the pain she was in, and if Derek knew her, he knew full well she'd keep that look until she got back to her office and took some more medication.

"C'mon genius, we better go and help that oracle do her best."

"Why is she so okay with it?" Reid asked Derek, his tone sunken in despair and despondency, "How can she just be Garcia even with all this?"

"Because it's simple, Reid," Derek told him as he threw the broken flowers away and then left Penelope's office, "This is Penelope, she's a master with emotions, not just hers, but everyone else's and she'll make it to her dying breath before she admits defeat completely." He hit Reid's shoulder in a brotherly gesture of comfort, "she's a trooper, just remember that, even when it gets difficult."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Gotta say I want me a Morgan even more now! _


	7. When I'm Gone

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Now to take it up a little level...Or a big level, depends how you look at it!_

_(Just the break the tension for a moment... IT'S SNOWING... well where I am in the UK anyway =P Shouldn't be this excited lol)_

_Moving onwards..._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Derek," Penelope near enough growled out down the phone, "you cannot be doing that!"

"I'm sorry, Baby Girl, it won't happen again."

"Yeah it better not, or I swear to God, I will come back and haunt you." She threatened as she ran a hand over her forehead, it hadn't even been two days and now Derek was assigned desk work because of carelessness, and his new found duty of being a liability to the team.

"I couldn't think of a better apparition," he mused as he headed to the airstrip to come back.

"I won't be the good type of haunting, I'll make you wished you'd never known me," she told him sternly, "and don't think I'm joking. You can't be ruining your life, what are you gonna do when I'm gone? Be stuck at the desk?"

She heard him sigh.

"Yeah, I didn't think so, so you need to buck up your idea's sonny Jim, and realise that there are more people than just little ole me that need your help. You're a superhero, Handsome, not a paper pusher."

"Voice of reason," Derek mumbled, he knew she was right, he was meant to live for adrenaline, but right now being across the country wasn't making him think straight, he couldn't work, because all he kept doing was thinking of Penelope and it was distracting.

He was weakening under it all.

"Derek, you can't let this kill you too."

"It's getting hard." He told her and then he sucked in a deep breath, "right, I'm here, I'll be home before you leave tonight, and you _are_ leaving because Hotch says so, can you listen to him please?"

"Yes," she relented hesitantly.

"I'm looking after you." He told her and she heard him step out of the car and into the windy airstrip.

"I knew as much, just keep your chin up and I'll have a big cup of coffee and a huge hug waiting for you when you get back in," she promised him.

"Looking forward to it already." He told her and he smiled briefly, "I love you, P, I'll see you soon."

"I love you too," Penelope said tearfully and put the phone down; she looked back at her searches and saw they were still running so she just paused for a moment.

She could hear that Derek was slowly drowning, she hated this, she was seeing his demise and that was hurting her more than the prospect of the imminent future. She had to cover bases; she had to make sure that her best friend, her lover, the man she loved so whole heartedly was looked after when she was gone.

She needed the reassurance that someone was always going to be there for him, she had no problem believing the team was there, but she needed those special extra measures ensured, she'd deal with one side later, for now she had other ideas and so she minimised the search and pulled up a new page and began to delve.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope plotted what to say, she spoke it into the silence of her office, she played with words, tried to find ways to mask her ever erupting emotions and just tried to be natural.

But now with phone ringing out her mind went blank and she couldn't remember a word of what she was going to say. She couldn't remember her little cues she'd thought of or ways to avoid breaking down. She'd lost it all.

Penelope was going to be making this up on the spot.

"Hello, Morgan house," A little boys voice came over the line.

"Oh," Penelope said somewhat shocked, she wasn't expecting anyone but Derek's mom to answer, "Is it possible to talk to Fran Morgan please?" She asked politely.

"Hang on," she heard and then distant running, "Grandma!"

That made Penelope's heart clench tightly in her chest, taking all viable air away from her completely. She always imagined what it'd feel like to have grandchildren to spoil, to be the best grandma anyone could have. She'd like to hope she'd have been cool, and still as awesome as she was now.

"Hello," Penelope now heard a different voice.

"Oh, Hi, is this Fran?"

"Yes, may I ask who's calling please?"

"My name is Penelope Garcia; I'm calling about your son, Derek."

She heard a gasp, "Derek? Is everything okay? I mean is he hurt?"

Penelope's eyes watered at the panic that hit this mom's tone, "he's fine, sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you, I just needed to discuss with you something, ask for a favour even."

"Sorry, what did you say your name was again?"

"Penelope, Ma'am, I'm Derek's best friend." Penelope told her calmly.

"Ah, alternatively known as the girl he called Baby Girl?"

Penelope's lip trembled, "Yeah, that's me." She said tearfully, "I'm not calling to concern you; I just really need to ask you to do something for me."

"I'm listening."

"I'll have tickets sent you when necessary, but can you be ready to fly here for him at any time?" Penelope asked.

"Of course, what is this about exactly?"

Penelope inhaled deeply, "I-I'm dying, and Derek's trying his hardest to be okay with it, but he's now been assigned to desk duty, I need to know that you can be here for him when I'm gone, more so. I wouldn't ask this for anyone else, but I love Derek so much, and I can see already that he needs as much more support than usual." Penelope wiped the tears away from her face, "I'm so sorry to drop this on you, but I really need to make sure I can trust that Derek won't be allowed to do something stupid."

"Does Derek know you're doing this Penelope?" Fran asked, crying herself.

"No, and I'd rather he didn't, he'd only try and stop it, he'll try and be brave for all this, but I know him more than anyone around right now, and I know he's not coping very well."

"How will you get the tickets to me?"

"Our boss, I'll make sure the money's ready, and our boss will get it all set up. Thank you Mrs Morgan, for this, it means a lot to me to know that he'll be looked after."

"Is there anything else you need me to do?"

"Just understand that I love your son with more than my heart, that he made my life worth living, and that you made your son into an amazing, charming, compassionate man. He's one of the best out there and I thank you for that. Thank you for letting me have him in my life, I'll be forever grateful for that," Now Penelope was really crying, "Thank you again, I need to go, my boss will be in contact."

Penelope ended the call and just hung her head.

"Penny," Kevin's voice came from the door and he watched her look up sharply, "everything okay?"

She wiped her face, "yeah, it is." She told him and turned to face him fully, "what's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanna go out for lunch?" He asked her and smiled sheepishly, "I have news."

"Oooh! Is that a hint of gossip I hear in your voice, superstar?" She asked as she grabbed her bag, she needed some tissues and her medication.

"Might be, so what do you say?" His voice trailed off somewhat as he watched her take the pills, "you sure you're feeling okay?"

Penelope nodded as she took a gulp of the bottled water.

"I'm fine Kev, just a headache again." She told him nonchalantly, "I can't go far, the team's out and Derek's being sent back for a being a bad boy."

Kevin fell against the door frame as Penelope sorted things to run throughout while she got food. "He's a mess ya know."

"I do know, and I'm just trying to make this a little easier on him." Penelope told Kevin and then stood up, grabbed her bag and threw it over her shoulder.

"No bag, my treat."

"Oh, how come?"

"Krysta wants to marry me." He blurted out and began to smile broadly.

"You asked her!" Penelope said and immediately pulled him into her arms, hugging his torso, their hugs weren't on any level of intimacy anymore, it was all about friends being with friends for them now. "Aw, congrats Sweetie." Penelope gushed, "You know I'd be there if I could."

"We're doing it for a month's time." Kevin told her and smiled, "I want you there, Pen, we have past and you mean so much to me, I want you and Derek to come together, seeing as his best man and you're maid of honour."

"Really?" Penelope asked tearfully, her emotions not so easily hidden today.

"Krysta wants you, I want Derek, so we thought, hmm, coordinate seeing as the bridesmaids and groomsmen are dating, you two are perfect."

"This means a lot, Kev."

"Living the best two months right?" He asked her took her hand, "we need to start doing that actually, we're lacking."

Penelope giggled, especially as their lunch was comprised of their favourite desserts, and one thing that made her even happier, was that Kevin left bacon donuts off the menu.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Bacon donuts... *shudders*_

_I'm trying to bring in some good stuff here =) _

_Here's hoping you're not back to blubbering messes!_


	8. Living Some Dream

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_And we start to take it up I guess..._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Penelope lay in Derek's arms, safe and guarded; it'd been just over a week since she was told the devastating new and as much as she wanted to say she was adjusted, she was far from it.

It was early Saturday, and Hotch had thought it best that she take the time off, she had declined until the team got back from the case the same night that Derek got sent home. Penelope had thanked her lucky stars that they weren't going to be caught across the country for ages.

Now Hotch and Rossi had spoken to Strauss who had given them 10 days leave; the director giving them the extra 3 days that Strauss had had trouble offering. They now had time to make the most of it, and no cases to distract them.

Penelope tried to nestle her head into Derek's chest a little more, all a bid to remove the pain cascading in and out of her head. The headaches, she came to find, were easing at times, but recently nothing was budging them and now she was feeling her morale dropping slightly.

She prayed she could wish herself better, they were going out and the last thing she wanted was to miss out, she was going to be doing a lot of that soon and she wanted all the opportunities she could to just lap up her existence, make more memories, make a change somehow.

She closed her eyes, willing sleep, but felt the pain shoot through her head and her stomach churned at the vertigo that spun the room suddenly, she pushed herself away from Derek and bolted for his bathroom. She knew she'd woken him, but it was either go slowly and not wake him and throw up in his room or go as quick as possible and reach the toilet.

She made it, if just.

Derek shot awake; he didn't need telling twice, he was up and following her instantly. As soon as her body slumped against the toilet, he was behind her, soothing her, rubbing her back, hoping this would end as quickly as it had started.

However, Penelope's body didn't stop heaving and then when there was a pause, a seeming end, she just ended breaking down again.

Derek grabbed a glass, filled it and all the while kept close and kept his hand on her somehow, "here drink this, Pen," he told her as he brought the glass down for her to take, "it'll make you feel better."

Penelope listened and shakily reached for the glass; she rinsed her mouth out and then went to gulp the rest.

"Slowly, Baby, gotta drink it slowly." He told her, and again she listened and drunk it slower and easier. He took the empty glass off her and watched her put her head down on the toilet seat and close her eyes, her lips parted as she breathed somewhat heavily from the previous exertion.

His heart shot daggers through him as he watched her seem so lifeless.

"We can cancel tonight." He began to suggest.

Penelope shook her head from the position, "no we can't." She told him and picked herself up, "I'm going whatever."

"I'm not letting you go if you're like this." He said and ran a hand around her face, pushing hair out of the way, getting the chance to take in her paled sleepy look. "C'mon, let's get you back to bed."

"Is that wise?" She asked him, sleepily.

"You're exhausted; you need some sleep if you're in refusal to hang up your dancing shoes for one night."

Penelope remained unmoved.

Derek didn't however, "the bed's not going to come to the princess..." he told her as he scooped her up.

"I think it's Mohammed and a mountain, Hot Stuff." Penelope said as she put her arms around his neck and laid her head to his warm bare chest.

"Same principle," he told her and kissed the top of her head before taking her back to bed.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Later that night, Penelope looked at Derek as he opposite her; she smirked at him, and stirred her drink slowly, alluringly. After sleeping well into the afternoon they were both more than a little revitalised.

Derek was watching Penelope as she sat between Emily and Rossi, and knew she was doing it on purpose, she was sitting there calling to him from afar and he couldn't get near her.

"Oh, we have star crossed lovers." Kevin joked as he sat next to Krysta.

Krysta smirked, "I think they need a little alone time."

Derek didn't need telling twice he stood up, "c'mon Baby Girl, you and me are dancing."

"Oh yeah," Penelope said and sat back leisurely, "come and get me, Handsome." She then picked her drink up.

Derek took her challenge and Penelope had to quickly put her drink down before spilling it as Derek came around the table, grabbed her hand in his and took her to the dance floor as she giggled, they then took the time to allow the music to work the magic, and their bodies take whatever they wanted from one another.

"You really are beautiful," he told her as he held her close, swaying to the slow music that drifted around.

Penelope's eyes involuntarily watered again, "even when I'm throwing up?"

"Even when you're puking your guts out." He told her casually making her laugh, "I've loved the last couple of days considering, I love waking up with you in my arms and if I could switch places then I'd do it right now."

A tear fell, "I couldn't lose you." Penelope told him and then put her head to his chest, leaving Derek to just tighten his hold on her.

Kevin watched Penelope and his arm around Krysta tightened a little, he realised just how much he was in love with his future wife as he faced the death of one of his closest friends. He realised he had a lot of regrets from not doing anything sooner and he regretted more for not making Derek act sooner, rather than wait for him to build the nerve.

"I love you," he told his fiancée and leant in a planted a kiss. Even under all his worry and fear about Penelope, Krysta kept him calm and even from sitting at the table he could tell full well that Penelope and Derek were both the drug for one another.

Another worry struck him, who would be there for Derek when Penelope couldn't? He dread to think what type of man would be left when Penelope finally left this life.

Hotch watched Penelope intently from his seat, he could tell she was hiding a headache, she was getting good at that, but he'd noticed it from the moment he saw her, her eyes showed more than she'd ever know.

It worried him to wonder just how much pain she was in on a day to day basis. It unnerved him to think at where life was leading because he knew as much as anyone at that table at the moment that when Penelope died life was going to change, and it wouldn't be for the better.

He would rather die than watch her die, but as fate would have it, it was never going to happen like that. He couldn't take her place and for once, he couldn't do a damn thing to make it better.

This matter in life rendered him powerless and his job as leader lost all sentiment. He wasn't a leader if he couldn't protect them from everything and that the harsh reality that they were given. They weren't all superheroes, sometimes matters were just out of there reach to save.

When he looked back he saw the pair gone, and looked to see Derek just leaving out of the door.

"Something's happened." He said and got up and made his way outside, everyone following him immediately.

"I'm jealous okay!" Was the first thing they were greeted with as they made into the cool air. Penelope's tone heated, but completely made of tears, "every girl that's looked at you tonight I'm jealous of because one day one of them is going to get what I want!" She yelled, this was something she'd tried to keep it locked tight but a girl cutting between her and Derek finished her off.

"Pen..."

"She just grabbed you away from me, Derek." Penelope said and her voice croaked, "It's always been like it, but now I can't stand it." Her hands went to her head in despair, "I honestly can't cope with it anymore, because one day, I'll be gone, and forgotten and you'll get married and she'll get what I always wanted with you. I love you so God damn much, but someone else is going to get it all!"

Derek didn't say a word as she stood broken even more in front of him, he just grabbed her and pulled her close to him once again, this time she clung on her tighter, held him like if she let go he was going to float away and disappear.

"It's never going to happen." Derek told her, it wasn't a lie, but unless he found Penelope's reincarnation there was no way he was going to marry after her. No one would ever be enough after Penelope

"It will," she sobbed harder, "you're going to get to live for years yet, decades even and all I get is weeks, stupid painful weeks and there's nothing no one can do to change it."

Derek ran his hand over her back, calmed her again. "You're allowed to feel like this."

"I shouldn't be jealous, Derek, but I'm never going to be someone's wife, or someone's mom, or someone's hero."

"That's a lie; you're my hero and always have been." He told her, she might have always found him to be her _noir hero_, but she was far more than just any hero in his life.

"I hate this." She finally managed as her sobs decreased and all that was left of the outburst was her heaving chest as she stopped more tears from falling. "I just want to wake up." She said as they finally separated and she was met with the faces of her family.

She knew straight away they'd heard it all.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: **_Has the tissue levels gone back up?_


	9. The Moments To Live For

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_New tissue supply in stock!_

_Rating boosts a little... or well a lot! M rated but for the tiniest moment! _

** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

"We're going," Penelope said as she paced the length of her living room, only Kevin and Derek were here so far, "I mean, we're really going."

"Yeah we are." Derek told her casually, he put his head on the back of the couch watching her rush around, "Come and sit down, Baby."

"We're leaving for a flight in 20 minutes, I don't know if I've got everything." She put her hands to her head in frustration and stopped dead, both men immediately turning to look at her fully, "What if they don't care?"

She felt her heart race.

"What if I died to them a long time ago?" She asked them in a frenzy, "This is selfish of me, I'm just going to be imposing on their lives, it's been too long, we should cancel."

Derek was up and over with her in a flash, his hands on her arms, steadying her completely, "It's going to be okay, you deserve to fix this, you deserve to let them in on why you felt it better to leave than stay, you deserve the closure."

Penelope bit her trembling lip, "it might be what I want, but it might not be what they want."

"Well, we'll deal with that after we get there... you might think differently after we've done something a little exhilarating."

Penelope's eyes widened.

"And before you ask, no, you don't get to know." He kissed her on the lips then, "I think we better get the bags together, because we have a little holiday."

Penelope looked at Kevin, narrowing her eyes for answers.

He put his hands in the air, "oh no! I'm not telling you either!"

"This isn't exactly fair on me; I mean I should be in on this." Penelope tried, she wasn't going to guilt trip them, that was trashy and nasty and wasn't something she'd dare to do, "I should know, to okay these things."

"Oh no! You'll know soon enough, let's just get us to California first." Derek said as he carried his and her cases and put with Kevin's. "Now Kevin, my man, when are the others getting here?"

Kevin looked at his watch.

"Wait! Others?" Penelope asked confused, "who else is there exactly?" She asked hastily, "I thought it was just us three and Krysta?"

The two men smirked as the knock rang out and Derek opened it for the team to flood in.

Penelope felt herself welling up; they were all there with their cases, comfortable travelling clothes on, smiles on their faces to see her. She couldn't stop the tears, but she tried her hardest, she just wiped her face clean and took a deep breath.

"Guys..." She warned them, "what is this?"

"It's called a holiday," Rossi pointed out, "a big group holiday."

Hotch nodded as Jack kept close to his side, "We decided, we have some time off, so let's do a family vacation to California, and we're gonna make it a good one."

The honk of a cab came and Penelope laughed in disbelief, the tears streaming, and all she had to worrying about then was Derek taking her hand and leading her down to the cabs that were waiting.

They'd planned it all.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Hours later, as they walked up to the desk in the hotel, Penelope stood and leaned against Derek, their hands entwined, her energy levels completely depleted.

"We're getting you up, and you can sleep for a bit, we need you on top form tomorrow." Derek told her as Hotch and Rossi dealt with the rooms and keys. "You got a headache?"

Penelope pushed off him, "a little one, that cute, screaming toddler didn't help in the slightest," she forced a smile as she remained calm, trying not to worry them.

She should've known better.

"Right Morgan and Garcia together, Penelope you are sleeping off the tablets you're going to be taking." Hotch passed over the key card to Derek, "get her up; we've got it sorted here."

"Hang on, shouldn't we change it a little, I mean who's Em gonna get?" Penelope asked holding them up.

"Me!" Came a new voice and Penelope spun around to see JJ coming towards them, "told you I'd get here in time for you to check in." JJ breezed with a smile and immediately took Penelope into a strong hug, "Henry and Will are coming tomorrow for a night and then he's taking the little terror off to New Orleans while I spend some time with my favourite red head."

Penelope clung on tightly, "Thank you."

"No thanks needed Pen, now you look like a bed is all you need, and you're gonna need your energy..."

"For tomorrow," Penelope finished, "I don't like this being kept out of the loop malarkey."

"We'll if you go to bed, you won't need to worry about it." JJ told her with a smile, and then looked passed her and at Derek, "get this girl to bed."

"Count it as done," Derek said stepping in, "Now Goddess, it's either you walk or I carry." Derek offered the option to her.

"I can walk thank you very much, my Chocolate hunk of burning love." And so she did, picking up her small carry on case as she went.

Penelope swagger fully intact.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Dress in this," Derek told her the following morning, they'd eaten and gone to get ready and Derek was all about the orders.

"Wanna dress me in it yourself?" Penelope asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed, "I mean, I just need a little help."

"You're a tease," he told her as he stepped forward, throwing the clothes on the bed, "a sexy tease at that." He then pushed her down, leaning over her to kiss her fully, his hands running her body.

Both completely forgetting about Penelope's sealed fate, and both giving into the temptation that had been kept at arm's length.

Derek knew that Hotch would be knocking soon so he made fluid work to undress her, while letting her undress him, he then let his hands run the courses of her body, seducing her further to his want, getting her ready for him.

He didn't even wait, he felt instantly that she wanted him, and the way her hands ran over his body, leaving marks as she pulled him closer to her he knew she didn't want him to wait.

They both missed the knock and then Derek had to muffle Penelope's moans with a kiss, taking her orgasm with his and quietening it as much as possible.

He felt the adrenaline rush as he felt the release and he kissed her more delicately as she finished.

"God you're beautiful," he told her as he longed I do it again, "I love you so much, Pen, and I've been waiting years for that."

"Let me come down from heaven," she grinned at him, her eyes completely filled with ease. It was the first time he'd seen that since the doctor's new, "thank you," she said and pulled him down to kiss him herself, before letting him pull out fully and grab their clothes.

"We're almost ready!" He called out and Penelope felt naughty, that he'd actually managed to make her come with their boss just outside the door. "Meet you downstairs!"

"No more than 5 minutes you two!" Hotch called out, the sound slightly cut off from the door, but none the less clear. He knew full well what they had been doing.

"We better get dressed," Penelope said snappishly, the harsh reality slipping in, she gathered her clothes, covering herself, trying to avert her eye contact away from Derek.

"Pen..." He called as she went for the bathroom.

"I'll be done soon."

He ran over and stopped the door shutting, "na uh, you don't get to let me do that then go and hide away."

"You were just doing that because of the situation, I'm thankful for that, but let's not drag it out anymore."

He pulled her out, leaving her fully exposed, "I didn't just do that because you're the dying girl, that hadn't even entered my head until now, I did it because I'm in love with you, and I will make you feel like that until the very last chance." He then ran his hand through her hair and tilted her head to kiss her again, "You need to realise that you're Penelope first, always, and then you're the dying girl last."

Penelope smiled at that, "we better get ready before I make you take me on that bed again."

"Later, we have an adventure to go for."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope looked up and her eyes widened, "we're doing what exactly?" She asked as she gulped deeply, "Because if it's climbing that, I withdraw."

"Ah, you can't baby, we're all going and then we're all coming back down again."

"You mean that's it?" She asked him sarcastically, "It's a blooming bridge, Hot Stuff! One that's above a busy road and oh yeah, a river!"

"It's exhilarating," Kevin commented and smiled at her daringly, "you're doing it."

"But why this?" She asked as she pointed up again at the Golden Gate Bridge.

"Because we wanted you to feel alive."

"Oh! I feel that alright!" She said and Derek quietened her with a look, making her want to laugh out, "I mean," She fought herself for words but with their watching eyes, she caved pretty easily, "you're lucky I'm easy."

Derek laughed that time, especially at what they had just gotten up to.

They all looked at her confused and she just threw her hands up in the air, "Where do we begin?"

"Right this way Ma'am," a young looking man said as Penelope followed she took Derek's hand in hers and dragged him with her.

"You're going up front." She warned him, "I'll make it worth your weight in gold later."

Derek listened and obeyed her wishes, allowing her to go between him and Hotch, Jack sticking on the bottom with Reid.

Penelope didn't even know this was possible to do, but the higher she went, the more exhilarated she felt herself become. She was a little shaky at the sheer height they were getting to, but when she looked up, she was confronted with Derek's perfect ass, and that made her view all the more exhilarating.

She'd never seen a man with a more perfect ass than Derek. Just perfect to pinch, or grab or even grope.

When they reached the top, they all spread out on the landing that was there and looked out, Penelope stood alone for a moment, gathering her thoughts and felt herself come to terms slightly with her impending death, something she never thought would happen.

Derek went up behind her, wrapping his arms around her, "what you thinking about, Baby?"

"How I'm not going to be scared," she told him and put her hands to his arms, keeping them from falling away with her words, "it's just my time, I can't fight this, however much I want to, I have to accept this, and I just need you to be okay with it."

She felt his chest constrict in a tight gasp of air.

"I know it's a lot, but I can't go knowing that you never faced this, I need you to realise that life is really too short. After this, I hope you just realise that you need to grasp the moment with both hands and take it as though you were going to lose it tomorrow. Can you do that for me, Handsome?"

"I can try," he told her as he brought his lips to her ear, "marry me, Baby Girl?"

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:**___Expecting that?_


	10. Killer Truths

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_So he proposed... yeah... here's more!_

**ALSO, **_Thank you for everyone that voted for me on the FanFic awards =)_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Derek watched Penelope as she sat on the sand and looked out at the sea; he had been beyond terrified when he woke up that morning to find her side of the bed stone cold and her clothes gone. He hadn't wanted to worry anyone, and he was just about to give up and call for Hotch's help when he noticed her sitting alone in the morning light.

He saw her sleeve covered hands come up and rub over her face and called it time to go to her. He didn't want her to feel smothered but since the day before on the bridge, things had changed and it wasn't an entirely good change at that.

"I was waiting for you to come and join me," Penelope spoke up, "or are you still not talking to me?"

Derek's heart broke at the sound of her voice, the roughness to her tone and he realised what an ass he'd been to her the night before.

"I get it, I hurt you, but you need to just look at it from my point from view," she didn't once turn to look at him, just continued to look out at the sea, a place she hadn't been to in years to just unwind, "I had my reasons, but you never wanted to know as soon as I told you know you shut down."

"It hurt," was all Derek managed to tell her at that moment.

"Well it hurt to be asked," she told him and put her head down as the fell, "to be asked to be married and only have a couple of weeks of it."

Derek sat next to her then, and took her hand in his, keeping their bodies close to one another.

Penelope looked up at him then, and he immediately saw how sore her eyes looked, how puffy they were from over crying and he was left to wonder just how long she'd been out here, mulling over what had happened.

"I don't want you to be the man that married the dying girl, but you wouldn't let me tell you that, no you just ignored me, the moment we got off that bridge and came back, you allowed JJ to come with me to the room, you allowed Emily to wake me up for food and then I sat on the end of the table with you as far away as possible and then to top it all, when I excused myself to go to bed, you never even followed like you usually do. That hurt me Derek."

"I was trying to make you someone's wife, Baby Girl, and when you said no, I didn't take it well. There's no one else I'd ask that of, no one."

"I want to marry you, believe me I do, but I don't want to make you a husband and then a widow in the same month, that isn't fair."

"Fair on who? It would make me happy to have you as Mrs Morgan even if it were for just one moment." Derek told her and smiled a little, "you told me to grasp the moment as though I was going to lose it tomorrow and I am losing you, Penelope, and it's breaking me to come to terms with it and I just, selfishly, wanted you as my wife, so I could know what it felt like to have it before I lose my opportunity. I don't see it as me being the widow at the end, or the man that married the girl that's dying; I'd be the luckiest man alive to marry you."

Penelope was fully crying now, before it'd just been occasional tears as her thoughts processed but now, she understood it all.

"I shut down last night, and JJ told us she wanted just a little time with you alone, we thought that was it, and I was coming to get you up, but Emily wanted to come and do it, and well at dinner, I tried to sit with you, but everyone got there first and I was pushed back, I don't begrudge them, I get you in my arms nightly, I gotta let them have some of you as well and as for going up, my head's messed up right now, and I didn't see you go until it was too late, and when I got up to the room, you were already fast asleep and I didn't want to wake you up so I just got undressed and climbed into bed with you."

Penelope sucked in a deep breath, "I'm sorry." She sobbed and he just pulled her into his arms, "I'm sorry I was angry with you."

"Hey now, it's okay, Sweetness, we've sorted it, but just realise that I will never, ever back down on the marriage thing."

"Gimme chance to get my head around it."

"I'll be waiting a lifetime." He told her and kissed the top of her head and just held her in the sun light, keeping her close as they sat in silence.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Penelope looked at her old house and felt her nerves bubble. She knew it wasn't owned by any Garcia anymore, but she just needed to see it. She turned to Derek and took his hand.

"We need to meet them," she told him, she'd only emailed, not having the courage to pick up the phone and now they were waiting at a restaurant for her, the team were joining them about 20 minutes after, allowing Penelope to take Derek for support.

"We'll be there before you know it, Kitten," Rossi told her and watched her smile.

They then separated and headed off, Penelope and Derek finding they were much too early, so asked for a table ready for when her brothers. Penelope and Derek sat on the same side by the window and Penelope laid her head on his shoulder.

"You feeling okay?"

"Like always," she deflected, "I love you," she told him and went to his kiss his cheek but he turned and kissed her on the lips.

Penelope moaned in pleasure at the intensity of the kiss, enjoying every movement of Derek's lips on her. Pulling apart Penelope just rested her forehead against his and smiled, she'd never grow bored of those kisses.

She felt eyes on her and looked up, four men looking at her, and she sat up straight, feeling her heart beating hard in her throat immediately.

"Hey," she said and they all smiled awkwardly and sat down without a word. "Erm, I'm really sorry about this being last minute." She said nervously, her hands on the table top, wringing together nervously, "I appreciate it."

"What is this about?" Penelope looked up at her brother Carl, the one she got along with the most when she was younger, the one that looked the most menacing now.

Derek's hand slipped onto Penelope's thigh, he just ran his hand over it, calming her the best he could.

"I just needed to see you, tell you something," She tried, feeling slightly calmer, "I-I..."

She stumbled and she decided to just be up front and blurt it out, except the waitress came over to take their order, Penelope watched her brothers as they ordered, they hadn't changed much, their hair a little greyer, they're skin a little more worn, their voices just a little deeper but they all were so familiar, like she hadn't left at all.

Her heart sank in that moment.

"Miss," she heard.

"Pen," Derek prompted her, "whatcha want to drink, Baby Girl?"

Penelope shook her head slightly, coming back down to reality, "Oh, erm, sorry," she apologised, them all watching her intently, "Can I just get a glass of water, please."

"Of course," she said, took Derek's order before leaving them.

"Penelope are you okay?" Another of the brother's asked, Penelope just stared at him, could see the sun glinting off of the ring on his finger. "You looked a little faraway."

Penelope's lips tightened in a smile, "I-I'm fine," she lied and tried to keep it real but it didn't work, her shoulders slumped, "I just needed to see you one last time."

Each of their faces knitted with confusion.

She felt slightly ashamed as the admittance came, "I'm dying." It took her a couple of moments to actually look up at them, them all just staring at them, "I'm sorry, I just needed to make things right, tell you why I left."

"So you think that because you're dying we're just going to take you back?" Carl spoke up, his tone heated, "you run off all those years ago, and now that you're dying that's it, we take you back."

"Hey man, hear her out." Derek defended, not liking the way he was speaking at Penelope.

Carl snapped to look at Derek, "I don't know who you are, but this matters lie with us and her."

"Look, she just wants to make this right, it's obvious you hold a lot of hurt over this but just give her a chance."

Penelope sniffed away the tears, "He's right, Derek," She said and grabbed her bag to put some money out for their drinks, "I told you this wasn't right, it wasn't fair, I was right." She wiped her face, and pushed her chair back. "Like I said, I'm sorry."

"Baby Girl..."

"C'mon Handsome, I'm tired and wanna pack to go home." She sucked a deep breath in, "You don't have to worry about me contacting you again, I just needed to see you one last time."

No one argued, they just watched her leave.

Derek shook his head and grabbed his jacket and followed her out.

"What hotel are you staying at?" One of them asked.

"Andy you can't be serious." Carl groaned, "she left us."

"She had every reason too," Andy said and looked at Derek, "Please, if she won't come back in I wanna came and see her."

Derek went outside, and got Penelope who warily came back in and sat down. Her eyes glassy from the new onslaught of tears. She went to object but slowly came in, her hands wrapped around Derek's.

"Carl, you can leave if you don't feel right being here." Andy told him, "but me, Joe and Sam want to be here."

They then all looked at Penelope.

"I was young and naive back then." Penelope told them tearfully, "I didn't know what to do or who to turn to, you had each other, I was on my own, I just had to leave." She rambled out hastily, "And then as the time passed, I found it harder to come back and get in contact, but last week I received some news and I realised I needed to fix things before I died with regrets."

"So you really are dying?" The oldest of them all, Joe, asked. "It's not a mistake."

"I had scans and tests, I have several inoperable brain tumours," she shrugged at them, "I could've had chemo, but I wanted to have some control, if I'd gone down that route, I wouldn't have gotten here."

"How long do you have left?"

"Couple of weeks, 2 months top." Penelope informed, and kept her focus on Carl, his demeanour softening, "The next time you hear, it'll be that I've..." She couldn't finish the word so just sucked in a deep breath and calmed herself a little, "It'll be details of the funeral, that's if you want to come."

"We should've come to you." Sam told her regretfully, "I mean we could've found you, I mean, we could've done something to find out what you'd done all this time."

Penelope smiled a little, they all started to ask her questions, and she in turn asked them, finding out that two of them were married, three had children and Carl was still the one looking for the right woman.

Now Penelope really wished she hadn't left it all these years to come back.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:**_Wouldn't wanna go with any regrets eh? _

_Sorry for no instant marriage! _


	11. Acceptance's Effect

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_And we got us some angst... it's not an easy right!_

** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

"Sure she's going to be okay?" Kevin said as he paced by the cars outside of the graveyard, he felt Krysta take his hand and seat him in the car.

"She's fine, you know Pen, she'll be absolutely fine."She said as she stood there, "she needs to do this on her own, which is why we're all here waiting for her."

Derek had to smile, but turned his attention back across the graveyard, in the direction that Penelope had gone. He longed to be with her, but Krysta was right, she needed to do this alone. He felt Hotch and Rossi come and stand next to him, them immediately acting as the barriers he needed from bolting it into the graveyard.

"You know she'll be stubborn as ever," Hotch commented and smiled a little at their past experiences of Penelope's stubbornness, "she'll go as and when she's ready."

"I don't think it works that way on this one, Hotch," Derek told his boss huskily.

All Hotch did was put his hand to Derek's shoulder, squeezed it, and leant in, "I think Penelope's a lot more strong willed than we care to look."

The two older men looked at one another before Rossi spoke up, "give her five more minutes and we're gonna have to cut in."

"She needs as long as she can have."

Rossi sighed, "she's been there over half an hour, Derek, if we left her, she could easily stay there until the sun set, and we know that won't do her any good."

Derek knew he had to agree, but he just didn't want to rush her, not now, not when she had gone to find another piece of her.

He remembered the night before, how he'd just held her and she had told him that in the moment's that her brother's forgave her and wanted to know more about her she felt a part of her ready to go, that she'd made amends with the biggest, and most regretful mistake of her past. She had faced up to it, accepted it and with it its loses and moved on.

She was dying with four brothers around.

"She just needs a little longer," Derek mumbled to them, his reason behind the comment ambiguous.

She needed a little longer on her own.

She needed a little longer with them.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Penelope had remained silent as she sat by her mom's grave, she didn't say anything, just remembered what it felt like to come to this plot, to come here and speak to a headstone, knowing that six foot under her mother lay.

She remembered the fear that had struck her as she watched the coffin get lowered, how the same fear filtered in when she watched her father's do the same and her heart sank.

She knew she wanted to stop the hurt as much as possible and being buried just prolonged the suffering, it made the funeral longer, it made a lasting memory.

She looked at her mom's name; she knew she was going to see her soon, that was if the proverbs were right of course. That the stories she had heard growing up, about that when you were dying you would see the people you loved but lost.

She didn't remember seeing them when she was shot, she just remembered hearing that David Bowie song, and how she thought about her life, as though it were a time to reflect. She remembered arguing with Derek and how that had plagued her thoughts, how she panicked that that was the last time she was going to see him, and her last words were snappy, and mean.

She rose her hands to take the tears away from her face again, and sucked in a deep breath.

She picked herself up off the floor, brushed off what grass and dirt she had on her and then left her mom's grave and went to join the team as they all waited.

She walked slowly, purposefully, how was she going to tell them that she'd just made peace with dying? How did she tell them that?

Her heart thudded harder as Derek sparked to life first and went towards her, he stilled at seeing her expression, he knew things had changed.

The others all sparked to life and noticed too.

"I'm okay," she said shakily, a small smile on her lips as Derek drew her into his arms, "I'm okay." She repeated at him.

Derek knew immediately what she was talking about and just kept his firm hold on her a little harder, he looked up at Hotch for some sort of strength and saw that he understood what Penelope was getting at.

"I'm okay," she said a third time to strengthen what she had told herself multiple times as she walked back to them, as though saying it aloud made it all the more real for herself.

"We'll discuss it later, Penelope," Hotch said and went over to the rental he'd come in, "For now I think it's best we get back and get some food."

Penelope listened and Derek helped her into the back of the SUV they'd been in, he then slid in next to her and let her silently take his hand.

She didn't say a word the whole way back to the hotel.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

As Penelope stood in the lobby later that evening, she watched them all in their little conversations and she realised she'd never get a perfect opportunity to have this discussion, it was the sort of over dinner talk, or late at night talk or the offloading kind.

It was morbid, and no one ever expected to discuss a person's burial until they were dead.

This was where Penelope hated to be a unique case, she wished she didn't have to do this, she wished she could just leave it behind for whoever was left, but with knowing she was dying imminently there was a part of her that felt slightly guilt ridden. Most people died without warning, numbing the people around them the most, but she had been given a time limit, one that at some points seemed to pass too quickly and at others passed painfully slow.

She knew it didn't matter if she was here, in California, or back in Quantico, this talk needed to happen so she turned to Derek.

He immediately reacted, looking at her directly.

"Don't bury me," she whispered.

He leant in, having not heard, "what was that, Baby Girl?"

Penelope leant in as well then, closing the gap more, "I don't want to be buried, Derek, I want to be cremated and scattered."

"Pen," Derek started, wondering if this was really the time and place to have this conversation, he then saw her expression and relented.

"I don't want somewhere where I'm just there, that isn't me now, I buzz about me, why would it be different when I'm gone?" She asked him, her composure staying firmer than usual. "I'm okay with it, going there today helped me decide some things, Derek." She said and scooped his hand up, immediately she felt it shaking slightly, "I don't have any regrets anymore, Handsome, after coming here I don't." She smiled easier, telling him her inner battle was somewhat balancing, "I know it's not what you want to hear, but I really don't want to be buried and left there."

Derek nodded and smiled at her, "I'll be happy if you're happy. That's all that matters to me now, Baby Girl, understand that."

"I do understand that, and I appreciate that," She then leant in, her hand cupping his cheek gently, "I love you Derek, you've made my life worthwhile, for more reasons than I've ever shared with you." She kept their faces closest, "my one regret after all this will be leaving you behind."

This time Penelope caught Derek's tears.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:**_And now comes Morgan's hurt =(_


	12. A Superior Talk

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Little Hotch and Garcia now..._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Penelope looked up at her boss and felt a surge of pride wash through her, he'd been dealt with the most awful things and yet he continued to live on to tell the tale.

That made her face reality harder than ever.

She had to try to be strong in the face of all this, he never once broke down and stopped living when Haley left him, or when she moved on with her life, or even after he admitted to himself he still loved her and she ended up dying at the hands of their most ruthless serial killer. He never gave up and Penelope knew she couldn't, not just yet.

"I need a favour or two, boss man," she said as they sat in the park having a picnic, everyone else was off running around, Hotch had stayed with Penelope, even after her protests.

"A favour or two?" He asked her as he continued to watch his son, "what might those be?"

"If I give you the money can you get a plane ticket to Derek's mom when, you know," she shrugged nonchalantly, "for when I'm gone?"

Hotch looked at Penelope then, the shock clearly evident on his features.

"I know he has you lot, but I just think he needs his mom a little bit more." She trailed off and took her attention from Hotch and applied it to Derek, "he's not doing so good, not since California anyway and well, I believe even more that he needs just that extra support."

"You thought it through?"

Penelope nodded, "yup, Boss man, I have," she told him, "It's the only thing I'll be able to do to ease his pain because I know that everything I'm saying and doing isn't helping him like he thinks it is."

"You think he's shutting down?"

"Nope, Hotch, he _is_ shutting down." She pursed her lips, the worry manifesting all over as she finally spoke it out, "he isn't the same with me anymore and it's worry me, he isn't the same Derek."

"You do realise that none of us are going to be the same after it right?" Hotch asked her outright, "even Jack's not happy with you going."

"You didn't tell him did you?" She asked him alarmed.

Hotch smiled gently at her, "no I didn't, but he lost his mom, Penelope, he knows loss, he knows it from all of us now. We can't keep him sheltered from something he already knows away."

"I know, but you know, this is unexpected, we know it's going to happen and I just want to make him a little more comfortable." Penelope said as she watched Derek swoop in and pick Jack up, putting him on his shoulders as they laughed at scoring a point, "he really will make a great dad one day." Penelope said in a sombre tone, "someone's going to have a perfect family because of him."

"I think you find he wishes it was with you as much as you wish it was with him." Hotch dropped in sympathetically, he leant forward, "ever thought that's why he hurts so much?"

"I'll be a memory, Hotch, you know as much as anyone that..."

"Memories are impossible to move on from." He answered for her, and Penelope looked at him her eyes widened, her lips parted, "I still love and miss Haley that it hurts, every time I look at Jack I see her, it gets better, but when you get what you want and you lose it, it's not so easy to get over."

Penelope sniffed away the tears as one made a track down her cheek, "can you please look after him for me as well?"

Hotch nodded warily.

"I just need to know that someone can step in when I can't, Hotch, I need to know that he'll be looked after."

"He'll be looked after, I promise you that Penelope."

Penelope sucked in a calming breath and watched the gang as they continued to play, "I'm sorry for all of the pain I've put you through, I wish there was some way I could take it away and not have you worry."

"We're a family; if we can't do this for one another then we're not really a family at all." Hotch studied, almost profiled, Penelope as he watched her distract her attention, "did something happen in California that you're not sharing?"

Penelope looked down.

"What did Derek do?"

Penelope sat up then and put her hands in her lap, picking at her nails nervously, "He asked me to marry him, Hotch, on the Golden Gate Bridge, he asked me to marry him, I told him no, but now, I'm rethinking it. I think I want one moment's memory of being Mrs Morgan, to know that someone loved me enough to marry someone that they knew they weren't going to get forever with."

"Why don't you tell him that?"

"Because I told him that I didn't want to be buried and since then he's become really quiet with me. I mean he looks after me like none other but he just seems so distant at time." She looked at her boss with teary eyes and her lips trembled, "it's like I've caused his downfall by showing my acceptance and it's killing me inside to know that I did that."

"Just because you've accepted this, doesn't mean any of us have, I sure haven't and Derek's loved you for a while and this just made him push his plans forward."

"Plans?"

"Try dinner for two in the best restaurant around, a night of dancing, and a night with him." Hotch said with a knowing smile, "trust me, he wanted to wine and dine you."

"I don't like extravagance, he knows that, he could tell me mid stuffing my face with Chinese and I'd have believed him." She joked and hiccupped the tears, "I so wished sometimes I could just turn the radio up that little bit louder and not have to think that that could be my last time hearing that song, I just want to wake up and the fact I'm dying not be in the front of my head."

"I can't tell you what to do, Penelope, however much I wish I could, I can't, all I can say is that we can make it easier."

"You are, Boss man, trust me you are," she said appreciatively, if there was something she could tell them it was that they were doing an amazing job at making her have the best time of her life.

Even 4 days after coming back from California, she had no regrets except what she saw of Derek's demise, but listening to Hotch she could do what they were doing; make it somewhat easier.

"I think I've pulled muscle." Reid said as he dropped down on the blanket and began picking at some of the food.

"Sweetie, you need muscles to pull one," Penelope told Reid teasingly, making him laugh at her.

"Very funny, Penelope." He told her as he grabbed more food and begun to stuff his face.

Derek came over and took Jack off of his shoulder, Penelope watching it all longingly, her heart galloping harder than normal, her eyes straining to not cry and then he looked at her, smiled a little and he went to her, sitting down and pulling her back onto him as they sat in the sun.

"How ya doing, Baby Girl?" He asked her as his head came down to kiss her cheek gently, "no headache?"

"No headache," she confirmed, it wasn't a lie today, she didn't have a head just yet and she was counting her lucky stars it stayed just that way, "have fun?"

"I did." He agreed and went quiet on her again.

Regrettably Penelope took his silence and felt her stomach rumbling with anger. She knew she had to let it go but there was a part of her that just tensed up at how Derek had become and she hated him changing, however much she realised it was going to happen, it hurt to watch and be subjected to.

She snuggled back intending for a long cuddle, but when Jack stood up and asked for another game, Derek was first up, leaving her behind, something he'd been all too hesitant to be in the wake of the news.

She got up and went for a walk.

If this was what eternal separation felt like, she was sure feeling it now, and she knew she had to sort it before she ran out of time.

Until then she just had to endure the pain of it.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _As ever, have faith, there's method to Derek madness..._


	13. The Reality Of Love

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Okay this is probably my hardest chapter of the story... to write that is... so don't know how that's gonna convey to you all... but we'll see!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Penelope had to excuse herself as she found herself sitting at Derek's and he went to cook, barely saying much at all.

The moment she made it to the bathroom she collapsed into floods of tears. She might be the one dying physically but she felt like she had already killed Derek.

Now it was Sunday evening and she hadn't even bothered to tell him that she'd felt the worse she had ever. Her morale was at its absolute lowest right now and was nearing extinction fast.

For that she wanted to curl up in a ball and die now, rather than wait.

She was exhausted from lack of sleep, something Derek didn't know because she lay so still throughout the night, scared to escalate the pounding in her head.

All the times she had wished for a peaceful death vanished, this had to be one of the worst ways to go.

And for that she couldn't find the reason to this happening to her.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and sat her chin on the groove they formed. She wanted so much to be happy, they had been but the moment she told him she didn't want to be buried it was as though the finalisation of the cards they had been dealt had happened.

What scared her was that she wondered if her dying was going to make Derek into the man that was downstairs.

Quiet, turned off, emotionless man.

She rolled her eyes to prevent the tears; it was only around her he seemed to be like that.

At that she picked herself up, took some pain killers and headed back downstairs and just took the solitude that sat around them.

"Dinners ready," he said as he said from the doorway, Penelope was just sitting as far in the corner of couch, her head lying on the back of it, her eyes just staring. "Pen?"

"I'll be there in a moment," she told him quietly, never moving or looking elsewhere but at the wall. "Go eat." She urged him and he didn't wait around, just turned and left, she completely missed his look of despair and desolation.

She fought with her inner demons, as much as she wanted to be here, however much she wanted to be held in Derek's arms for just another night, she couldn't handle this and she didn't have the strength to pursue a potentially explosive talk.

She had no energy to spare on it, not after sleepless nights and dragging days, she didn't have the right facilities in her to help her cope with it all.

Derek looked up from his uneaten meal just to see her go passed and go up the stairs slowly, he put his elbows to the table and ran his hands over his head as he breathed out. He could tell she was shutting down because of him; he'd call it her heartache but really it was only his heart that was aching. He'd inflicted it and he knew the damage was done.

He was so in love with her and her acceptance of things had only thrown him for a loop, he lost all control when she told him.

He pushed his chair away from the table and followed her to his bedroom, he walked in and froze, she was packing, his heart stopped beating in a matter of seconds of seeing it happening.

"Wh-Where are you going?" He asked her somewhat dazed and panicked, "you can't leave."

"I think you find I willingly came here, therefore I can leave whenever I choose to," she put more clothes in the bag and stood up, looked at him, her face stained with tears, fresh tears pouring out, "So I choose to leave now."

"You can't." He tried.

"Why not?" Penelope asked him, "I probably won't be causing so much pain if I just go home. I think we realised that what us two have been doing for the last two week was for completely the wrong reasons."

"How was it?" He grumbled, "I thought it was amazing."

"So what changed?" She asked him, "It was so amazing that you now hardly talk to me and you hardly let me in anymore." She said and cursed herself for emotions. "I didn't know that accepting this would be so damaging, if I'd known I wouldn't have said anything."

"You deserve to accept this, this should be easy."

"But it's never going to be!" She yelled at him, her anger just tipped a little, "None of this is going to be easy Derek because had you not realised I'm dying!"

"You think I haven't noticed?" He asked her, "It's all I see! You're dying and it's happening right in front of my eyes and all I can do is watch!" Derek admitted to her, "you're getting sicker, and I can tell it's getting harder and all I can do is sit there and watch it.

"The one woman I fall in love with and she winds up dying, that hurts, Penelope, that hurts more than anyone will ever know or understand. I know what it feels like to have someone die, hell I saw my dad die but this, with you, is beyond anything before and it's slowly taking a part of me every day! You dying is nothing like my dad, it's nothing like a family member dying, this, all of this," he threw his arms around, "is taking it out of me and I don't know how I can make this better anymore."

Penelope was stunned in silence, she felt terrible now, watching the downfall of the one man she really and truly love as it happened in front of him. She felt useless and ashamed of all this hurt that had been inflicted and yet she couldn't find or master words that would help make this any better.

"You didn't even see it, or see why I asked you to marry me and I guess that's where we went wrong as well, so Pen, I guess you were right, maybe we should never have told one another that we were in love with one another because then maybe this just might be that little bit easier on each other." He told her, his tone bitter, his eyes so full of anguish, "Maybe you should just stick around for tonight, get some rest and then go home tomorrow." He told her, and looked away, "I'll text Kevin and arrange it, let him know where you'll be. Just so we can work this out."

Penelope bit her lip and just nodded at him in agreement, it was a full confirmation, it was more shock, she wasn't answering him honestly.

"Maybe this is how we should've done this all the time." She said and sunk down onto the bed and grabbed more of her stuff from the bedside table and threw it in the bag, "I know where you are if I need you anyway, unless you want me to call someone else?" She fretted alarmed.

"You can call me whenever, but maybe falling in love was a mistake on both our parts, we fell in love at the wrong time, Baby Girl, that was it, maybe if we had another chance or longer, or we realised it sooner rather than later we wouldn't be like this. Maybe then I would've accepted it, but I can't accept you dying, not anymore and I can't accept how easy you're taking it."

Penelope looked up at him.

"You're coping better than any of us, I see that, but I don't know how you are." He told her and went and moved her bag and sat with her. "I will always love you and I'll be here until the end, but I can't live in denial anymore. You're dying and I will never be able to accept that." He pulled her close and kissed the side of her head, as though this was the goodbye already, "I'll still look after you, but until the time comes, we just need a little separation."

"To find ourselves?" She asked him and looked up; she didn't like this situation at all. "I think that's pr-probably wise, Handsome." She said covering up that she wasn't okay with this. "You can have your bed back, I'll take the couch, I'll be gone tomorrow."

Derek remained silent for a moment, he didn't want this, but grief pushed him to this point and he had to follow it through. He'd already taken advantage of Penelope, he knew he had to just give it a couple of days before he could beg for forgiveness, and beg her he would do it. He would grovel to have her back, but he just needed a couple of days to get his head straight.

"You have the bed, I'll let you sleep until you need to and then I'll head Kevin up and take you home myself."

Penelope sniffed, "thank you," she said and then kissed him.

Derek found a moment's weakness and turned to her and kissed her fully, heatedly, his actions fast and dominating, he then stood up and left her mid kiss.

"It's getting late." He told her and fled the room.

Penelope watched the empty doorway and then put her index finger to her tingling lips and cried silent sobs, if this was heartbreak; she was going to know it well.

Little did she know was that Derek was feeling it too.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:**_Same reason as last... there's method to my madness, and you'll sure as hell find out soon!_


	14. In The Face Of Darkness

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Well now we're reaching a climax... Don't shoot me/maim me/ hate me! _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Penelope knew something wasn't right when she woke up with violent shakes and shivers, of course she was alone and she just tried her hardest to believe that this was all mind over matter. That she could just fall back to sleep and wake up and it be a new day with a new outlook.

She turned onto her back and gripped her head at the pain that hadn't even left her since she fell asleep, if anything it'd worsened more. She knew full well something wasn't normal right now and she couldn't for the life her scream for help; just from the fear of erupting more pain, so she turned to the edge of the bed and slowly got up.

Penelope quickly grabbed the bedpost for support but it wasn't long before her legs gave way and she fell to the floor with a loud thud.

She just lay on the cool floor, crying, praying that somehow Derek had heard her fall.

To say the least, she was terrified and the last thing she wanted was to be alone. She then began to panic about being alone at home, if during the night she woke up feeling this ill, or vomiting more times than she could count, then no one would be there for her to turn to, no one would be there to comfort her or to help her.

Derek hadn't been truly asleep, just laying staying at the ceiling, knowing full well that Penelope was on the bed just above him.

He knew he was a jerk, he was asshole to Penelope, she deserved better than what he had said, he didn't need separation, he just needed her but he wasn't going to have her because in reality, Penelope was dying and that was it.

There wasn't a miracle cure, or a miraculous recovery. It was the medically given facts and reality.

He needed some way to make it up to her, some reason for him to just grasp her attention and tell her he was sorry, tell her that he didn't mean it, that he was here, all in for her.

He just didn't count on hearing a bang and then watching Clooney run up the stairs. It didn't take him long to follow, no one else was in the house; it was just him, Penelope and the dog. He knew Penelope needed him now.

He ran to the doorway and found Clooney laying with Penelope, she looked so lifeless laying there, if it wasn't for her crying and pleads he would've thought the worst.

"Help me," she sobbed as her eyes met his, "please, Derek. My head..." She groaned as her hands went to it in a bid to stop the pain.

He didn't wait, he ran in and got on the floor and grabbed her hand, immediately feeling her shaking, he ran a hand over her face, moving her hair and catching the tears, he felt the beads of sweat on her forehead and he only worried more.

"I'm scared," Penelope whimpered and closed her eyes as she cried harder, "I don't want to die like this, please Derek, help me."

"Shh, I'm going to call for an ambulance, you're going to be okay." He went to leave but Penelope's hand fastened around his and she wouldn't let go, "Baby Girl, I need to go."

"I don't regret any of it, Derek, not one bit; I never want to regret telling you I love."

Derek's vision blurred at her desperation and he just picked her up and put her on the bed, he needed her comfortable until he got her the help she needed right now.

"Neither did I, I'm just hurting over this and I don't find it easy to express it, so I don't and I just get angry and shut off." He said and kissed her gently, he saw her phone and grabbed it, he really didn't want to leave her right now, not for anything or anyone. "I felt a huge weight lift off me the day I told you and I will forever remember it, it'll always been in my heart, like you will be."

Penelope heard his tone, it was different, he was now accepting and she closed her eyes to not just ease the headache but to stop the torrent of tears.

"I don't want to die," she sobbed again, "I don't want to be buried or cremated, I just want to live." She looked up at him as he watched her, "I want to live with you and be Mrs Morgan. I'm so scared." She whispered with such conviction Derek's entire world shook worse than it ever had.

"You're not dying, not yet, it's not happening." He said and rang 911 impatiently, he hated to see Penelope this distraught and in pain, he wanted it to end. He wanted her to live whatever time she had left with them painlessly and happily and he now saw that.

It was just as he held her hand in his that he prayed it wasn't too late.

The time between putting the phone down and getting an ambulance to them was the most gruelling part, he had no idea what to do but sit with her. He realised he needed to be ready to go, he was not leaving her and he knew the others needed to know so he rang Kevin and Hotch and then took Penelope downstairs and laid her on the couch.

"We're going to get you better." He told her soothingly as he saw the lights flashing outside his house, he jumped up and opened the door and let the paramedics in, telling them the situation, telling them about her condition and let them get to work helping her.

His panic only exploded when he watched them work over her, asking her questions and then told him they needed to get her to the hospital.

Derek knew that if this was it, if their time was up, without any denial, he would not survive the rest of the night.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

He watched her sleep peacefully, he was waiting on the doctor to come back with some sort of development or new prognosis for them, Kevin was out in the waiting room with Hotch and he knew they needed to be kept up to date with everything but a part of him couldn't leave the spot.

He and Penelope had spoken with one another, she'd admitted she'd been suffering for a couple of days but until she'd sussed him out, she wasn't prepared to tell him, but now winding up in hospital she knew he needed the truth.

He admitted right back that he was panicking and breaking and he knew he needed help but he didn't want her stressed anymore. Ironically not telling her seemed to be the biggest stressor she could have been given.

"I'm not dealing," He'd finally allowed himself the vulnerability to let her know, "You accepting this scared me and you actually made it believable, I just don't want you to be like that. I want you to give in and be what you need to be, because then I can be what I need to be and give you the best."

"Just be you and I'll be fine," she finally told him as the medication she was given began to make work on calming her into a sleep.

Now it's been hours since then and Derek looked to the door and back and Penelope, he remembered what she had asked him, he needed to tell Hotch something, so he stood up and kissed her and headed out and down to the waiting room.

"Derek!" Kevin said jumping up, his tiredness forgotten, eagerness set in, "is she okay?"

Derek nodded a little, "Erm, Hotch, Pen asked for that favour to be done, she didn't tell me what it was, just that you'd know."

Hotch nodded, "Tell her it's done, but how is she?"

"Honestly?" He asked, "I don't know, she's been feeling unwell and she got out of bed and just collapsed, shaking was worse and I'm guessing her headache was just too much. The doctor's taken bloods, she's had some more scans done and he's given her a dose of morphine to help with the pain, she's just sleeping it all off."

"Did the doctor give any indication?" Kevin asked almost fearful of the answer.

Derek's look was solemn, "it could be signs she's deteriorating faster than we want to know." Derek ran his hands over his head, "we had a massive argument last night, I've been a jerk to her, she's been suffering and didn't tell me. How could I do that to her when I said I'd stick by her?"

"It happens Derek; you just have to stick in there now." Hotch sympathised.

"I don't know how much I can cope with. I'm holding her in my arms, loving her even though I know she's going to die." He looked at Hotch with desperation, "I don't know if I can do that anymore."

"Derek, no one else is going to do a better job." Kevin confided with a sad smile, not liking this predicament they were now in.

Hotch stepped in as he saw the doctor coming up behind Derek, "she's going to need you more than ever now." He then got Derek to look at the doctor.

"Whatever happens right?" He asked rhetorically, drew in a breath and followed the older man.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

**A/N:** _What's wrong with Pen hey? _

_Madness will be released next chapter! _


	15. The Seriousness Of The Situation

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Okay, __**BIG, IMPORTANT**__ chapter here guys, sorry for any further distress I cause you, you're all really starting to show it in reviews!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

"I ideally want Penelope awake for the newest findings," The doctor told Derek as they stood just outside of Penelope's room, "we've found something new on the scans and I'd really only like to say this once and once only."

"Can you not just tell me and I tell her?" Derek asked, literally itching to know, "I mean, is it serious?"

"In some ways yes, in others no. I really want her to hear this first. We have procedures to run though and well, the dose of morphine she had should start to burn out of her system soon, she should be waking up."

"So as soon as she's awake, I get you and then we find out?"

"Mr Morgan, in some sense this is good news." The man told him as he put a hand to Derek's shoulder, "now go in there, a nurse will get me here immediately, I just need Penelope to rest for now."

Derek relented with a short nod and let the doctor leave whilst he went in to the room and stood and watched Penelope.

_In some sense this is good news._

Derek tried to not get his hopes up but a part of him wanted to jump for joy and get excited, some break through and he could only think over and over about the same things. Maybe it was that the tumours were shrinking; or the option to operate was now on the table or even the danger of them not being so severe had arisen. The one thing he hoped it wasn't was extra time; Penelope didn't deserve the torture of more time.

The last two weeks had done enough as it was.

"Derek?" Penelope croaked as she pushed herself up groggily.

"Hey baby girl, how you feeling now?"

She fell back down with Derek's gentle ease and groaned softly, "my head's not feeling like it's gonna explode now, so I suppose better." She explained and looked up at him, her eyes watering. "I don't want to be here. I don't want to die here."

Derek went over fully and sat with her, she was shaking again, gentler than before, "you're not dying here."

"What so I get to die at my apartment?" She asked him shakily, "I don't want to die anywhere."

"Shh," he soothed, "Baby, it's going to be okay, the doctor wants to talk to you." He saw the fear ignite in her eyes, he knew now she wasn't going to hide it, "Why didn't you tell us you were scared?"

"This was going to happen whatever, I felt I shouldn't be scared because it was just going to happen, like I needed to be strong to get through it but it hurts so much."

"You don't need to be strong for anyone." He told her and then rose up, kissed her on the forehead, "I'm going to go find the doctor now you're up."

Penelope didn't get another word in, she just watched him leave, as the silence settled in she realised she'd been hooked up to machines and drips and it worried her, made her fear of this being it become clearer.

She really wasn't ready if this was going to be it.

She looked back at the door as the doctor came in and she pushed herself up more, even with her head still throbbing and woozy from the drugs she was on. Immediately she felt herself pine for Derek and almost naturally he was back with her, sitting on the bed and keeping an arm around her.

The doctor stood at the end of the bed with her file in his hand and he looked up, his eyes lighter with emotions, "I just want to say Penelope, that we found out something rare."

"R-rare?" Penelope asked quietly, feeling inferior even sat in Derek's arms. "W-what's that mean?"

"You're bloods come back showing a toxin poisoning."

Derek looked confused then as Penelope remained quiet with shock. "How the hell did she get toxin poisoning?"

"From all the medication we put her on," he watched their shock registered, "we pushed for the scans and the results and what we found shocked us above all, you don't have any tumours and there are no signs of any ever being there."

"How?" Derek barked a little too aggressively, "how does that work out? They don't just disappear!"

"No, that's why we had to investigate, a lady with very similar symptoms was admitted a couple of days ago, we're really sorry and you are welcome to pursuit a law suit but the two test results got mixed and we misdiagnosed you both a couple of weeks ago."

Penelope felt empty as he said that, she'd prepared herself for death, prepared herself for losing out on so much, gone through so many throes of grief, poured her heart out to everyone she could, gave up her heart to Derek, caused pain on those she loved and all to find out that she wasn't dying at all.

Derek breathed out a long breath, as though he'd finally found he could breathe again and he kissed into her hair hard with relief, "oh thank God," he mumbled and kissed her repetitively. He then had questions he wanted answers for, "so what is wrong with Penelope? Why is she in so much pain?"

Now his worry grew again.

"Your MRI is almost clear, as are your other scans we did, you're bloods are still abnormal, but the one thing we found is pressure on the blood vessels in your brain, this applies pressure to the main nerves," he saw their faces drop, "it's nothing severe, nothing that is going to stop any type of living, you've been suffering from vascular headaches, brought on by immense stress. It's brought on by elemental stressors, low sugar levels, low blood pressure," He saw them relax again, "Basically this causes restriction of the main pathways to those nerves resulting in crippling migraines, vomiting, vertigo effects, everything you've shown. Also that sharp stabbing feeling is what happens when you're over stressed, which considering the circumstance you would be beyond all normal measures of stress."

"So what happens now?" Penelope just cut in on the end, wanting to know.

"We'll need you kept in for a couple of days to get the toxins out of your system and work on the medication that's going to help your headaches before they get too bad."

"Just medication?" Derek asked ambiguously, "she just needs tablets, she's not dying?"

"Never was and from all the tests I say you've still got decades left in you, Penelope." He said with a smile, "I understand if you want to meet with the hospital lawyers, I'm sorry for the pain and distress you've been through, but for now you need to rest and I'll be back in the morning to start your proper treatment." He smiled weakly and then left the room hastily and almost embarrassed.

Derek turned to Penelope, and he watched her slowly break down, "Baby Girl?" He asked and wiped her face gently, "c'mon..."

"I-I'm not dying?" She asked him and looked up at him, "I thought I was dying," she said almost embarrassed, "I thought I was never going to get what I wanted in life when all the while I've been fine!"

Derek tried to suppress the smile on his face, he couldn't hide the emotions in him, he was able to shut and lock away the sad, darker emotions but the happier ones just weren't budging.

"No, Baby, you're not, Penelope, you're not dying." He told her, more to make it real. "This had to happen for a reason."

Penelope faked a smile and nodded.

"You don't look happy," he commented, "You should be happy." He put his hand to her cheek in a moment of comfort, she reacted naturally and leant into the warmth of it, "you're not dying."

"I know," she told him in a whisper and looked into his eyes, hoping and praying that the fear she was feeling was no where readable in them hers. "You can go home if you want, I'm fine." She then managed a larger smile, "I'm not dying."

Derek smiled but it wasn't a true smile, it was an awkward one, he wasn't sure how he should take that. "I'm not leaving."

"And you know I'm not dying, you need some proper rest and now it can happen now, you know that I'm not going to be gone when you get back." Penelope told him, her eyes still well and truly on him, she had to roll them to stop the tears that were brewing, "Please, let me worry about you now yeah, Handsome?"

"You're the one in hospital." He battled on.

"With a curable problem, I'm going to be walking out of here in a couple of days." She told him gently, "I'll probably be back to work as well and well it's a good thing I started to pack my stuff eh?" She tried to joke but all the time her heart was continually breaking. Hoping that her laughter would somehow hide her pain. "Come back when it's daylight outside at least?"

"Daybreaks happening." He motioned to the window, "I'll go home but only when I know you're settled."

Derek didn't get a chance to hang around, a nurse ushered him out, against his will, he kissed Penelope on the forehead and looked back longingly as the nurse told him that Penelope just needed rest. His objections went ignored as he headed down the corridor, no intention of going home at all.

He reached Hotch and Kevin and found them both asleep, facing one another and he kicked Kevin's shoe.

"What?" He asked sleepily, until he saw Derek and woke up fully. He jumped up and realised that Hotch was up as well, ready and waiting. "Is everything okay?"

"I was gonna wait," Derek breathed with a smile, "but the doctor found something, and well Pen's got no tumours."

Both men exchanged looks, "what?"

"There was a mix up with results; the scans the doctor looked at weren't Penelope's at all." Derek couldn't hide the elation in his tone.

"But the headaches? The sickness?" Hotch questioned, "What's being done about it now?"

"What Pen's been suffering from all this time is vascular headaches, caused by stressed, and the pills she's been on caused toxin poisoning. Doctor's got her on multiple drugs to flush her system clean and wants her in a couple of days but apart from that he thinks she's got decades left in her." He put his hands on his head, "She wants me to go home, visiting hours are over but I just can't leave, I gotta stick here."

"We all are." Hotch told him, "we'll call the others in a bit for now we just need to stick here, and be close."

"I need to go for a drink," Derek's mood seemed to darkened, "I don't think she wants me here to be honest." He admitted.

"Let me go and have a word," Kevin said as he put his hand on Derek's shoulder, "Think her brother's deserve a call?"

Derek just nodded, and smiled, but Hotch could tell that he was mixed between two frames of minds, the one with Penelope dying and the one without. He knew he needed time, like Penelope, but too much time could just cause more damage.

Hotch knew that Derek's mom was on her way, it was Penelope's request and even if she wasn't dying now, Penelope would know that Derek needed his mom more than anyone.

What Derek needed now was a break and then Penelope. What Penelope needed now was a friend to make her realise the truth of the moment.

Then all she needed was Derek.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A.N:** _Soooooo... anyone expecting that?_

_All those tears and fears for nothing..._


	16. A Love That Hurts

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Seems I made a lot of happy readers! HOWEVER, there's a bit of angst left... _

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Kevin waited for Derek to be gone before he excused himself and made a nurse aware of his intentions, at first she hesitated, telling Kevin profusely that Penelope needed rest and then Kevin so kindly told her the predicament and, with a gentle tone, allowed her to understand just what his friend had gone through.

He walked in pretty satisfied with his feat.

Until he saw Penelope that was, she was sitting on the edge of the bed, the wires all strewn across the bed from where she'd gotten up, her shoulders completely slumped, her head bowed.

She was the epitome of defeat.

He went straight to her and watched her look up surprised, she knew immediately that she couldn't hide those tears and in turn it sharpened their force.

"Oh Penny," he said as he dropped onto the bed and put his arm around her, immediately feeling her fall against him. It was then he felt her entire body shake with sob after sob. "C'mon, the nurse that just told me off for coming here told me you need rest and this can't be helping any type of headache."

Penelope pushed herself away and looked at him, her eyes red and puffy and so sore looking, "I-I'm sorry," she told him solemnly, "I'm sorry for everything you've been through the last couple of weeks, I didn't mean to do it."

"Hey, it's not your fault now is it?" He asked her rhetorically, "You're a victim in all this as well; if anything you're the biggest victim in this."

"Am I?" She asked and looked at him as she begun to dissolve into more tears. "What about Derek? Or you? Or, hell, even the team?" She asked him a little heatedly, "Or my brothers? Everyone involved had to go through this as well! Not just me!"

"Shh, you're allowed to feel like this," He said as his hand ran over her back, "it's perfectly normal for this. It's a shock."

Penelope rose a hand to her face, wiping the tears away roughly, and Kevin eyed the IV, looking at the tubing running out, pumping her full of medication.

He still felt quite numb, she wasn't dying anymore, she was getting better. Something he never thought he'd get to say, ever.

His heart sank at seeing her like this, in this place.

He didn't even hear Derek coming back; he'd never seen the phone on the floor, evident of falling out of Derek's pocket. He just assumed he and Penelope would be alone for a while yet, so wanted to get to the bottom of this before Derek got back.

"Why aren't you happy?" Kevin asked softly, and pulled the hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear so he could see her face clearer.

"I am happy," she said disbelievingly, "I just feel like now I'm going to lose everything this fortnight's been made up."

"Lose it? How?"

Penelope looked at Kevin wryly, "I love him so much Kevin, but I'm scared that now I'm not dying I'm still going to be watching another woman get him" her sobs racked her body harsher, "all this time, I was never scared of dying, it was always about losing him. He's who I look forward to seeing first and I'm just scared to lose it."

Kevin pulled her closer to him again, her head on his chest; he gave her a friendly kiss to the top of the head.

"I was laying in that bed last night, he was downstairs, and I was petrified of the loneliness, it scares me now and I have no idea what I'm going to do about it. I've hurt him so much."

"No you haven't..."

Penelope sucked in a difficult breath, "he wanted to take a break from whatever we were earlier, nothing's going to change that. Just this time I'm not going anywhere because my last two weeks were built on lies. I'm not going to be dead within a couple of weeks."

Kevin winced, but recovered quickly, "No they weren't lies," Kevin interrupted, "they were made of love and dedication, we were all faced with you going, but Derek's always loved you, before this begun," he paused, Penelope barley moved nor made a noise, "ever heard of lost hope?"

Penelope nodded.

"That man went through hell with that, class this as your second chance, just don't give up."

"I'm never going to amount to what he wants; I had an excuse the past couple of days, now I don't. I can only offer him me and I'm scared that won't be enough for him." Penelope looked into his eyes, a deep despair laced her gaze, different to what she had before, "that girl at the bar the other night, she's what's going to be enough, not me, Kevin, I don't know what to think." She said and her head dropped as the tears begun to fall again, "he never wanted me to be a Morgan before this, then all of a sudden I was the one for him, I was the woman that he wanted it all with and I was the woman that was killing him." Both her hands came up to her head in frustration, "I want him so much but I don't have it in me at the moment to beg and grovel, I don't have the energy, and I know that will be what makes me lose him.

"I can't lose him Kevin," Penelope's hands dropped, and her gaze was brought up to Kevin's again, "N-not after this, I can't, but there's a part that wants to push him away when I really don't."

Kevin took in her confused look.

"I think you and him need a little recuperation time together. You need to get better, and you're not going to do that with all of us mollycoddling you, you need space, and you need Derek."

Penelope just felt Kevin's arms wrap around her and she fell against him, her body completely spent from the crying and rushes of emotions.

Derek felt his heart beating harder than he'd ever felt before, harsher than when he was told she was dying. He'd never had a woman that in love with him that she sounded physically in pain at the prospect of losing him. He turned to leave, to give them a private moment but his phone rang out.

He needed some air so that he could storm back into her life, prove that it wasn't all over her dying that he was there, that it wasn't because of the predicament or because of her health but because he loved her with even inch of his being.

Penelope shot around, too fast for her head's liking, but she was startled by the ringing, she turned to watch Kevin go to the phone and she saw Derek in the hall so she climbed off of the bed completely, even with the IV was still attached.

"Handsome," she called out meekly, yearning for him to be back with her. Her heart began to race at the mere sight of him, she felt the want in her bubble, and as he stopped felt knees went weak, "Derek." She called out to him again and she watched him turn slightly.

Kevin went to the door with the phone, "I think this is yours," he said to Derek hoping that they could switch places.

"Oh, yeah right, I was just coming back for that." He told Kevin and walked back to the room, he took the phone, "Thanks," he said, his tone so void of emotions, so shocked, and turned away, he needed to think, Penelope didn't believe that he was whole heartedly, irrevocably in love with her, so he needed to plan.

He was going to set out to make her realise that he had wanted her as a Morgan for years now, even before she was shot, even before any of this, he wanted her in his life like no other but right now he was holding onto a lot of self doubt. He was scared that he would never be able to love her right, or that he would inflict grave pain on her if he died on the job. He couldn't face hurting her like that.

Yet as she cried again he realised one thing: he was already pushing her into a new world of pain.

"Derek," Penelope whispered painfully as she watched him leave, the feeling of desolation hitting her in waves, it was as though her theory was proven as she watched him walk away again, she took a deep breath, her sobs hardening as he never responded.

She had to steady herself as the racing of her heart sent a rush of blood around her body, hitting her head, making her feel somewhat woozier, she knew this wasn't good, the stress with whatever meds she was on to help with the toxin poisoning weren't reacting well.

Yet the more she tried to calm herself, the harder it became, she wanted him and he wasn't prepared to come back and the familiarity of her heart breaking began to ache and happen again.

Kevin watched in worry, waiting for Derek to react, giving him the chance before he went and helped, he hadn't gone any further in the corridor and it was as Penelope's heart wrenching sobs came out, and she began to weaken before them that Derek reacted.

He swooped into the room and just like that, fluidly picked Penelope up and laid her back down on the bed.

Proving to be her noir hero.

Kevin smiled as he watched Derek respond to every emotion, every incorrect feeling, every natural motion.

He then just slipped out of the room, leaving the pair to hopefully reconcile before full morning was here.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**


	17. Deserved Second Chance

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_So now to be a of Derek and Penelope..._

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Penelope had never felt so alive as she lay in Derek's arm. She didn't think it was possible to feel every fibre of her being buzz with intensity. It was like her body was on fire, taking in each and every thing that Derek did.

"You know you make it really easy it to be loved." Derek spoke into her hair as he continued to hug her, keeping her wrapped up on the bed, "so easy."

"Yeah saying you're dying really does that." She told him in a quick sob, "I didn't want this to happen."

"No one ever does, Princess, but that's life, it throws us a whole lot of crap and we're just left to fit it in with life and we did with this. We fit it in and we worked through it."

"B-But," she stuttered with each new cry, "y-you left-t you didn't want t-to come back." Her grip on his arm tightened a little, "I-I thought that meant you didn't want me after all. I thought that was it, that you'd done what y-you needed-d to do which w-was make the l-last couple of weeks perfect."

"Aw, Penelope, I never did all this because of that, I did that because I'm in love with you." He told her, kissing her in short pecks, drawing in her scent, "I've never loved anyone like you, and I never want to love anyone else like this and I'm just a little overwhelmed at the moment. I thought you didn't want me, you near enough pushed me to the door, but I overheard you and Kevin and I've never had anyone love me in the way you love me and as I listened to you I just needed some space."

"But why?"

Derek sighed, "I'm worried about hurting you, ever thought that maybe I'm not enough for you?" He asked her and Penelope pulled away to look at him, "You're special Baby Girl, and someone likes you deserves the best and I'm not that, I'm not the best, and like you said, all I can offer you is me and no one else."

"I like you," Penelope whispered at him, her tone lowered and almost sleepy, "It's the best thing I have."

She smiled then, even with tears on her face, as they lay on the hospital bed, hugging one another, watching one another. She felt the biggest leave her body and her breathing didn't seem so tight at the thought of the future.

"I like you too," he smiled at her and she blushed a little, "I just want you better so we can move on."

Penelope nodded, "Trust me I want to feel better; I cannot deal with these headaches any longer." She groaned and Derek could hear that she was moving onwards, their little breakthrough of truths had worked. "I've never been that scared in my life," she told him and lazily looked into his eyes, "I couldn't even shout for you and for one moment I panicked that if I was at mine and alone and it happened, I wouldn't have been able to move to get to a phone or any help and then it hit me." Her eyes looked back at him, wider, glassier, "what if I died there on my own? I'd have had so many regrets if that was it."

Derek's eyes had turned glassy at that, "I just needed a night to sleep on, I knew I was a jerk the moment I lay awake, I just needed my chance to make it right and it happened."

"By me getting a really bad headache?" She quipped, "I don't think I've ever felt so happy to see you before in my life."

"You scare me, you know that?" He asked her and she laughed at him a little, her eyes closing for a longer time before opening again, "you gonna get some sleep? The doctor's gonna be back soon."

She shook her head and the small smirk grew as her eyes opened again, "I'm okay here for a moment, Handsome, it feels just so perfect." She looked into his eyes, "what else is bothering you?"

He refused to tell her.

"One little push and you'll be on tush." She rhymed at him with a threat, "see even ill I can cleverly be a poet."

He laughed a little and then he watched her prompt him more with just a sheer look, "With my job, there's always the chance of..."

"You getting hurt?" She asked him.

"Yeah," he said uneasy, "I don't want you to ever feel what I've been living with; I don't want you to ever have to worry that I might not come home. I can't leave you with that pain."

"This coming from the guy that jumped into a bomb filled ambulance?" She quipped and then shifted to get comfortable again before taking back all physical contact, "I live every case with that fear, even before you told me you loved me after I was shot, and I'll forever feel it. I'll forever panic about it, but it's your job and you do the best the job to come back unhurt."

Derek felt an ease wash over him, she really understood him and he needed that, he needed a woman like Penelope.

He needed a woman that got what his job entailed, the dangers it carried, and he needed that woman to get why he loved it all, why he actually loved chucking the bad guy away and bringing just a bit more justice to the world.

With Penelope, he didn't have to tell her why, he didn't have to explain the appeal, she knew it already, she got the accomplishment of the risks and the darkness and he loved that.

He was Derek Morgan, the broken hero with Penelope but whatever, in Penelope's eyes he was forever the good guy and he was always her hero even if he begged to differ.

He studied her features, her eyes, her lips, her eyes again as she continued.

"You jumped out of that bus before it exploded, you knocked yourself out and Foyet never shot you and I do think you've dodged several bullets in all these years and you survived being part of a bomb squad." She moved closer and kissed him this time, "I think I can live with a feeling that I'm never going to lose."

"This is why I love you," Derek whispered gently and then kissed her fully, he could feel she was tiring though and he wanted her out of the hospital as fast as possible, "you need some rest."

"I know," she agreed and snuggled down, "Derek?"

"Yeah, Baby?"

"I'm still scared," she whispered when she'd calmed down fully. It was a different feeling of being scared she was feeling now. Not one of death or loneliness, one completely orientated around Derek.

"Of what?"

Derek watched her lips, "The way my heart misses you when you leave a room, how my heart stops now when I smell you near. I don't want to ever lose those types of feelings."

Derek smiled, watching her vulnerability, "I'll make sure you don't." He then kissed her, "I will prove I love you, that I will make you a Morgan and in years to come, when we're sitting on that porch, you're grey and still stunning and I'm all wrinkled and haggard, we'll remember what got us there."

"A lot of heartache."

Derek frowned, "No, Baby, what's going to get us there is a second chance."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Who's more for that Happily Ever After now?_


	18. Family Knowledge

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_I think we're kinder, maybe, on our way for the HEA... whatcha think?_

** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Penelope watched as Emily and JJ lead the group into the room later that day, she'd slept the morning away, Derek had watched her wait for the doctor to come in before she gave in and then he let her sleep.

She felt her stomach roll with nerves but she realised she had nothing to be ashamed of, it was a mistake on the hospital's behalf not her.

JJ went straight over and picked her up in a gentle hug, "oh Garcie, what the hell?" She berated softly.

Penelope hung on to the hug and then let her go, "I'm sorry, I really am." She told her friend and watched Emily sit on the other side and take her hand.

"You shouldn't be here," Emily said softly.

Penelope smiled at their worry and looked up at Hotch, she knew he knew immediately, but sensing Rossi's demeanour, Reid's fidgeting and Krysta's clinginess to Kevin she realised that only three people and the elephant in the room knew the truth.

"What we've gotta say is hard," Derek spoke up first as he stood by JJ, "but it needs to be said."

"Is this it?" JJ fretted tearfully.

"Yeah, we heard you collapsed, does this mean?" Emily asked as her hand gripped Penelope's hand a little tighter, the clammy feel transferring.

"There was a mix up." Penelope started softly looking at her hand in Emily's and then she looked up at the multiple shock faces, whilst Kevin, Derek and Hotch stood smiling. "I don't have or ever did have any tumours. The hospital got my results mixed up."

JJ shook her head and looked around the room. "So, but, huh?" She started, "you've been getting really ill and the headaches?"

"I'm prone to vascular headaches, they're like magnified migraines." Penelope told them softly, she watched them all still hold the shock in, "The tablets I've been on don't help in anyway."

"For the last fortnight, all the pills that Pen's been on have done is poison her system, they've had nowhere to go, no source to attack and help with, so her body's been absorbing them." Derek helped Penelope discuss as she began to get choked on discussing the situation, "she's gotta be kept in until tomorrow at the earliest for observation, the doctor said Penelope collapsing was the toxins and the stress making the headaches worse."

"So what happens now?" Rossi asked as he stood stoically, his arms crossed across his chest, a hand to his mouth as he stood in though, "I mean, with these headaches."

"I'm on new tablets."

"New tablets?" Krysta asked.

Penelope nodded, "Sort of like a migraine, when I feel a headache coming on I take these tablets and it helps reduce the pressure on the nerves that cause the pains."

"So you're going to be okay?" Emily asked her bleary eyed, "I mean we're not going to be losing you?"

"Not for a long time, Cupcake." Penelope smiled at her, a tear running down her face, "Can you cope with that?"

Emily smiled then and lunged forward for her own hug, "more than anything in the world."

Penelope sat back once Emily let her go and felt all her guilt go, everyone was smiling, there was no hidden sadness in any of their faces, they all looked generally relieved and for that she felt herself feel better.

"Hotch, she'll be out for the next week or so," Derek dropped in and Penelope laughed at his protectiveness, "what's up, Baby Girl?"

"I'm capable of telling him," she smirked at him, "You've done enough, Handsome, you really have."

"Just making sure I get all the details in before you drop a couple of points here and there." He joked with her, and Penelope watched him more intently, Derek was by far the most changed; there was a new air around him, no hints of strain in his voice.

"Sugar!" Penelope said and looked up at Derek, who was staring at her worriedly, "You must know about your mom now?" She trod weakly on that subject; she smiled awkwardly, "Sorry."

"Oh my mom loves you by the way," he told her and watched Penelope's brows furrow, "she's never met a woman that has cared about her son in so many years, and she could tell just how much you loved me to arrange for her to fly in."

Penelope shrugged, "I was just looking out for you." She said and felt her emotions overrule her as again the tears came, "For when I thought I couldn't." She sniffed, "Sorry, I thought I had a grip on this."

"No one expects you to Penelope." Reid spoke up and smiled at her lightly, "you're still stressed, stress makes you more emotional and being faced with death completely kills off all strengths of emotional blockers."

Penelope just smiled through the tears and allowed them all to have their moment of revelling in the news of this.

It didn't take long for the news that had told Derek to leave to come back when she heard the noise and ushered them all out, even if Penelope wanted them kept there with her.

Derek slumped on the bed, "she's a bit of a wrench isn't she?" He joked and took Penelope's hand as she laugh, "I get it's her job, but if she were in your place I bet she'd want her family around."

"Let her do her job, so we can do ours." She said with a smile as she sat up a bit, "I can't believe I'm not really going to be dying, it's weird, I've readied myself in a so many parts of my life for it, but now, it's just surreal, you know?"

"I get it, you need time to adjust, and hopefully this next week off will help with that, Baby Girl."

Penelope smiled eagerly at that, "Oh, so you're off as well hey?"

He leant in, his body over hers, "got a problem with that?" He asked her low and huskily, his eyes glinting with something other than concern and normal love. "A whole week off, just you and me."

"And your mom," Penelope chucked in with a giggle, "oh yeah, way to kill a moment," she quipped at him.

"You are feeling better, Baby," he told her as he pulled back, "it was only a matter of time before you were getting back to your old tricks."

"Hey, you never know, now you're mine, and I'm a future Morgan, you might just get a new trick."

"Oh yeah," he queried and leant back in again, "what would that be then?"

"A good morning," she whispered and sat back satisfied, admittedly feeling tired.

Derek grinned and shook his head at the thought, he looked at her seriously, "Any morning with you next to me is a good morning Baby Girl, you should know that."

"I know that now."

Derek watched Penelope, there was no hurt sitting with them anymore, and if anything, he wanted it kept that way; he never wanted to feel that ever again because fighting with Penelope was possibly the hardest thing in his life.

She took his hand and he looked at it, the IV bringing back the reality, it wasn't the room they were in, the smell that was around them, the look of Penelope's pale complexion, it was that one tiny piece of plastic in her hand that seemed to make it clear to him just where they were.

Once that was gone he knew that it was all about the future to come.

"So when do I meet your mom, Hot Stuff?" Penelope asked him after a couple of moments silence, "I mean, if she already likes me, then why the wait?"

"She wants to wait until you're home, so that's the plan. Can you wait for that?"

"I don't get a lot of choice on the matter."

Derek chuckled a little, "I can see we're going to work just fine in this life, Sweet Thing."

"Oh just you wait my hunk of burning love." Penelope quipped as she settled back down, again allowing him to look after her, "When I'm back on top form, I'll be the one keeping you on your toes."

"We'll see about that."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-** This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Definitely lighter than before eh? _


	19. Mother's Touch

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_Now we're getting nearer the end..._

** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Penelope curled up on the couch at Derek's the moment she got near it, she was still exhausted and all she got from the doctor was that it was expected, there was no limit on how long she was going to be feeling like this, just that she would be feeling the after effects for a little while longer.

Derek grabbed the throw he'd been keeping her wrapped up in while she stayed with him and leant down and kissed her, "need anything, Baby Girl?"

"Just a drink, please, Handsome." She said already near enough asleep.

He had to smile, this was the easiest she'd gotten to sleep naturally in weeks and it made him feel so much better. He kissed the side of her head again and went to grab a drink ready for when she woke up later.

Pouring water into the juice he heard the front door open and he turned hastily, to quietened his mom and Hotch as they entered the house. He met them in the doorway of the living room and he placed his finger to his lips and pointed to Penelope asleep, he went and put the drink on the coffee table and took them to the kitchen.

Instantly he drew his mom into a fierce hug, like he had when she had first arrived. He loved that she was here; she was his pillar of strength.

"So that's Penelope?" She asked him as they separated and Derek went about getting them a drink each.

"Yup," he said, not sure what his mom was getting at exactly.

Fran smiled, "she's everything I pictured her to be." She told him and watched her son turn his attention to her and look at her shocked, "she really was heartbreaking to listen to the other day though." Fran told her son and she saw the sadness draw in his eyes, "if you ever doubt her love for you, you have me to answer to. She was heartbroken at the prospect of it all; you could hear it in her voice."

Derek smiled at his mom, the drinks forgotten as a silence settled over them all.

Hotch was the one to break the silence, "What did the doctor say?" He asked, more as a friend, the boss part could come another day, for now he was worried about his friend.

Derek ran his hand over the back of his neck, "her systems completely cleared, and she should start to feel less sick in a couple of days, she's exhausted from the changing over of drugs, it's expected and she just has to use the rest of the week to rest up and let her body sort everything out."

"What about the headaches?"

"We've just gotta keep the stress as low as possible this week, but when she's back to work she's gotta have her tablets on hand and she should find that as time goes on the headaches could lessen."

"Is that all?" Hotch continued to ask, "when does the doctor think she'll be okay to come back to work?"

"He wants her to take it slow, her body's been through a lot, not just with the drugs but with the stress and emotional overhaul she's gone through." Derek told his boss, and then smiled, "but she's going to be fine, in a couple of weeks she should be back to her old self and the headaches shouldn't be so bad."

"Possibly the best news ever I'm guessing?" Fran asked knowingly and smiled at the two men, "so how long has she been asleep? I think I'll start cooking." She offered and both men smiled at the motherly feeling they both felt.

Derek immediately felt grateful for having his mom here, and with that a part of him was truly grateful to Penelope for putting him first above herself, through all this all she cared enough to tell his mom when words had failed him.

"I think it's about time she got some proper food down her," Derek commented, showing his agreement to her offer. He knew Penelope hadn't been asleep for long, but that didn't mean she didn't need food in her. "Anything you need?"

"If I brought you up well enough, I know you've always got cupboards stocked," Fran said knowing that such a comment would embarrass her son in front of his boss.

"Momma knows best." Derek said and kissed his mom on the check and then headed towards the front room.

He went in and saw that Penelope had hardly moved, she still slept with her knees up near her chest, her head resting on the back of the couch and the throw still very much wrapped around her. He smiled and went and sat next to her on the coffee table, he leant in, feeling cruel already to wake her.

"Baby Girl," he said as he reached up to nurse the side of her face, slowly coaxing her awake and he smiled at her soft groan of protest to wake up, "we gotta get you food."

Penelope blinked a couple of times, trying to clear her mind of the sleep and she then looked at him, her hands coming up and pulling the blanket away from her, "what's the time?" She asked dryly and Derek reached and passed her the drink automatically responding to her out of instinct.

"Coming up 3, you've not been asleep long, but you need some food."

Penelope closed her eyes as she held the drink in both hands, quite close to her chest, "I think that and a couple of pills might help."

Derek frowned, "got a headache?"

"Just a little one," she emphasised with her fingers and opened her eyes and looked at him; "it's really not as bad as it was the other night."

That made Derek smile, "anything else you want?"

"You," Penelope whispered, her eyes glazing with tears, "I just want you." She told him and a tear dropped.

Derek grabbed her drink and then got up and got on the couch with her, allowing her to cuddle in how she needed and then he just held her close, noticing that she just needed a bit of human contact.

"You sure you're okay?" He asked her quietly as she just laid with her head to his chest, her breathing calm, her eyes blinking longingly.

"Yeah, Handsome, I'm real good." She said with a slight smile, and looked up at him, "I just wanted a cuddle." She admitted and curled into him more, never once fighting her emotions. "This is just perfect."

"And it will be tonight as well when I finally get you in my arms."

"Can't think of anything better," she whispered as the sleep began to descend on her again.

Derek sat for a couple of minutes just watching her silently, listening to her breathe, taking all of her in and he couldn't help but think about their future. How he was going to marry her and give her to children she deserved, give her that happily ever after she had so longed for without anyone knowing.

"Who's cooking?" Penelope asked, as she moved, obviously smelling the food, she turned and sat up, her elbows to her knees, her hands to her temple as she woke up and nursed the light thrum of a headache.

"I am dear," Fran's voice from the doorway and the two women locked eyes, "I'm sure this will help with that headache when it's finally done." She walked into the room and put her hand out, "C'mon..."

Penelope looked at Derek and then just took Fran's hand and let the older woman lead her through to the table, pulling a chair out and sitting her down.

"Derek look after that dinner, Aaron help him." She instructed as she pulled the door to and then sat with down with Penelope, "I think this is the only way we're going to get a bit of peace to talk."

Penelope smiled coyly, "you're putting Derek on cooking duties?" Penelope asked her, an eyebrow rose, "The boy who wound up letting you get annual Christmas cards from the fire department?"

Fran laughed at that, "He told you then?"

"Regrettably yes," Penelope said with a smile, the nerves going, "thank you," she started, "for coming here like you did."

Fran's hand covered Penelope, "I have no problem being here, you could've called any time and I would've come, Penelope." Fran told Penelope, and she could see Penelope faltering "are you okay?"

Penelope nodded and bit her lip and then shook her head, "I really wished I had my mom here through all of this."

"I know you do, and I know that's not possible, but if you ever need a mother figure to talk to, I hope you can call me." Fran told her, knowing from Derek that Penelope had no real family.

Penelope nodded again, and looked up, "I never thought I'd want my mom at my age, but after getting off the phone to you, and hearing how willing you were to come to Derek, I just wanted someone to be that willing to drop everything and come to me."

"Derek's that isn't he though?" She asked and Penelope nodded, "then cherish that, because if there's anywhere my son wants to be in this life, it's by your side, Penelope." She smiled at Penelope as she spoke, "Always has been and now it's deadly certain it always will be."

Penelope smiled and as she went to speak the door opened, both women looked up at Derek.

"Erm, mom, I think we burnt it."

That statement, combined with Derek's current expression made both women laugh.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Lightening it up!_

_**Bonesbird**__... I am not plotting anything bad! _


	20. Ability To Feel

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_The real HEA ending is nigh guys!_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

"Is this some sick joke?" Penelope sat and watched her brother blow up at her, and she felt herself flinched at his tone, "it's always the way with you, guilt trip us with a lie to get what you wanted!"

Penelope's brow furrowed, "excuse me?" She asked him, her tone heating instantly, "you think I lied to you on purpose?" She questioned, her eyes burning into him. "You think I wanted to live like that, that I wanted to make everyone to just believe that I was dying and make everything right that way?"

"Well it worked."

"But it wasn't a lie!" She tried but she could tell arguing with Carl but she could feel herself getting stressed, and she knew that wasn't going to help anything. "If you think that then get out, I will not be bullied and made to feel like the bad guy here. I've lived through hell the last couple of weeks, thinking that was I was never going to get anything I wanted and then I find out it's all a hospital mix out. I don't even know why I'm explaining myself to you; I don't need to do that to satisfy you."

She got up and walked out of the room and went to the back door and just went out into Derek's garden, needing the air.

Derek sent Carl a death glare as he got up, hearing Hotch and his mom, along with Kevin all jumping in to have ago, he just followed her invisible tracks and went outside. He went up behind her and just wrapped his arms around her from behind and immediately he saw her tears, he twisted to kiss her cheek, tasting the tears as he did so and then he just hugged her a little tighter, letting her know he was there.

"What about that other woman, Derek?" She asked him quietly, "what about the time she's lost?" He felt her shoulders jump as the sobs came. "Those results were nothing, they were an actual person's life as well, she thought she was going to be okay."

Derek's heart clenched, he'd been so wrapped up in Penelope being okay, that she wasn't dying at all that he hadn't even thought about the person who was also involved in this.

A stranger that had lost out on what Penelope was given.

"You feel too much, Baby Girl," he said as he swayed her slightly, trying to calm her down. "I love that about you, but getting yourself worked up isn't going to help you through this. Worrying about another person isn't going to help you; you need to just be all about you for the moment. You need to find yourself."

Penelope turned in his arms, not knowing that Kevin and Fran had come out to find the pair, neither knowing that they'd drawn everyone out, even Carl who felt bad for the mistreatment had come out to apologise and find out if she was okay.

"All I want is to be married to you, and focus on the future. I don't want to live in the here and now because I feel so stuck and I'm not moving anywhere." Penelope admitted, "I don't want to wait, waiting nearly meant I lost out, I just want to be your wife. I don't want you to be anyone else's. I love you too much for that."

"You wanna be Mrs Morgan?" Derek asked her, his eyes welling.

"More than life itself now, Derek." She told him and smiled up at him, "We ran for too long, we denied ourselves too long and when you asked me to marry you on that bridge, a part of me wanted so bad to just scream yes and do it there, but I couldn't be that burden, I couldn't be that, not to you."

"Now you don't have to." He said smiling widely at her; he kissed her, "marry me? As soon as we can find someone to do it, marry me tonight."

Penelope's eyes glistened and she smiled her largest most genuine smile, "I know a good site for a last minute minister," she told him jokingly, she didn't know how to express it any other way except to make a fool by dancing around the garden.

"I'm game if you are."

"Derek," she paused, "we can't do it that way, we can't do a shotgun wedding like that."

"Give me one good reason, Baby," he said and leant forward, putting his nose to hers, "give me one good reason why we can't do that and be married before the day ends."

"What about your sisters and all the details?" She asked tearfully.

"We can do that later, I'm done with you not being wife, Penelope. I need you to be my wife and I will do anything to make it happen, even if it meant walking to ends of the earth and back to make it possible. I just want you as my wife."

Penelope bit her lip and nodded, "I love you," she whispered quietly and kissed him whole heartedly kissed him and they relaxed, their hands strengthening their closeness. They were so isolated in that moment that they didn't become aware of the clapping until the wolf whistle pierced the moment.

They broke apart and Derek smiled as he caught a glimpse of Penelope's blush as they looked at everyone.

"Did someone say something about last minute minister?" Fran asked with a smile, "who's got a laptop?"

"No, we can't do it like this." Penelope fretted hesitantly and looked at Derek, she didn't know if it was the truth speaking or that her wildest dream was coming true, but she somehow wanted this feeling to last, this absolution in her to remain.

Derek grabbed her hands in his as he turned back to face her and smile at her, "what is there to stop us?" He asked her, wanting to know what was going on in her mind, "we know we love one another, we even know we can't live without the other so what is there to stop us from doing we should've years ago?"

Penelope looked deep into his eyes, "I just want it to be perfect."

Derek chuckled a little, releasing her hands to cup her face and he leant in, "anything with you is perfect, Baby Girl. It doesn't matter how it happens, or where it does, or who's there, as long as you're there it'll be beyond perfection."

Penelope smiled as her nose began to tingle with impending tears, "sheesh, Morgs, you really know how to win a girl over and over again don't you?"

Derek's smile met his eyes at that, "you win me over every time you smile."

Penelope sucked in a deep breath or she knew she was going to be a crying mess if she didn't get composure, her chests flushing with a blush, "who's gonna be our fake minister then?" She asked him and his smile exploded and went beyond measure.

"Really?" He asked like this was the first time he'd ever heard anything about marriage, "you mean you really want to marry me?"

"I really, really,_ really_ want to marry you, Handsome." She finally told him, and in that moment everything made sense, everything in her life gathered a deeper sense of meaning and everything in her entire being felt right at last.

"Did you hear that guys?" Derek shouted out to them all, "one of you better decide who's being ordained because I'm about to make this gorgeous woman a Morgan!"

"One that'll teach you to cook," Penelope teased him.

Derek laughed and then just kissed her, he couldn't stop his body from thriving at that moment, they were finally getting their shot.

Hotch looked away from the pair in front them and looked at Penelope's brothers, watching for their reactions and as he stood there, he could only that all of them were happy for their sister, and he smiled as he watched Carl, even he was happy about it.

He slipped off to get a laptop; he didn't want another wasted moment for Penelope. Not after everything.

And as the hype began between them all, he realised that no one else wanted Penelope to miss out either.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:**_Epilogue next guys and then it's the official end!_


	21. Happily Ever After

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing! *sobs***

**A/N:**_As promised... the epilogue to a HEA!_

_Sorry about no update last night, I went Christmas shopping after I was done at Uni and well by the time I got home I was just too tired and nothing got written... BUT... I hope this makes up for it! =) _

** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **

Penelope danced around the house, smiling from ear to ear, she couldn't contain herself, she just wanted to sing and dance with how happy she was. She shuffled over to the stereo and just turned the music up louder and went back to tidying, restraining herself in any way possible.

She was waiting for Derek to get home, she was clock watching, something she still hadn't learnt was a good thing.

She looked at her wedding photo and her heart blossomed, there she was in white, Derek's arms wrapped around her as they danced to their first dance at, technically, their second wedding.

Penelope looked at the look on Derek's face, the entire thing still made her want to sob at the happiness she felt that day. How in love, and how loved, she truly felt.

Every day since, the entire 4 months of it, which might not have sounded a lot to anyone, meant more than the world itself to her.

She remembered everything that had happened all those months ago, she felt it sinful to forget them, to allow herself to escape the good, the bad, and the scariest moments of her life. She needed to keep that time of her life with her. She needed to remember how near death she'd been made to believe she'd gotten to make herself feel truly alive.

"_You look absolutely beautiful," Was all Derek told her as he drew her close to his chest, swaying her to slow music as all attention was on them, "absolutely stunning."_

_Penelope smiled as she looked at him, her smile never dying in the slightest. "I feel even more beautiful as Penelope Morgan; Penelope Garcia just never quite cut it."_

"_Lies," he murmured at her softly, his look turning sexual, his eyes watching hers with absolute want, "Penelope Garcia was absolutely stunning, gorgeous, beautiful, now Penelope Morgan is all that instilled in perfection forever."_

_Penelope blushed and diverted her eye contact, her eyes welling at the moment they were captured in. _

"_Look up at me, Bay Girl." He said and as soon as he said it, a tear fell down her cheek and she slowly looked up, "stop the tears, this was just a formality, nothing was stopping this big do, we've been married 1 months already."_

_Penelope tilted her head, her eyes streaming, "I just wanted this for so long, and I always had these day dreams of someone else being the woman that you married, when all along, for you, I was that woman."_

"_Always." He verified and leant in a kissed her, claiming her doubts as his and making them vanish, "Mine for life, wife." _

_In that Penelope got lost. _

She sighed contently and snapped herself out of her dreamlike taste as she looked at the clock, seeing that she had lost more time day dreaming than ever before she rushed upstairs and got herself ready for her husband's arrival home from work.

Now the nerves cracked, and taking clothes off and mastering buttons became a hardship. She fumbled about and finally found herself getting changed and just in time, she heard the engine before she saw it and as she looking out of the window she relaxed at the mere sight of Derek getting off of his motorcycle.

She ran to the door, slipping on the red heels and then hit a button on the wall that controlled all the lights and dimmed them; putting on the music she rushed down some of the stairs and stood in wait as Derek put the key into the front door.

She watched him walk in, head bowed, his bag hitting the floor as he toed off his boots and her little grin grew at how oblivious he was to her standing there.

"Hey Handsome," she spoke up, her tone low, husky, alluring to his eyes.

Derek's head snapped up and instantly she could see he was tired, and if she wasn't mistaken she could see, just from his eyes, that he was suffering from a headache right at this moment. He noticed that her look of seduction dropped and he wanted that back, needed her right now.

"Well hello there Little Miss Sexy." He said as he prowled towards her, his eyes igniting and losing the dull pain look on them. "What have I got here?" He asked her rhetorically as he made it to the bottom of the stairs and eyed her up fully, taking in her lack of clothes, her painted nails, her done make up, her perfected hair.

"Well..." she said as went down the stairs towards him, her walk slow. "I thought that my man would like some loving and this wife needs some loving back." She made it to the bottom step, and put her hand to his chest, "so _extra_ loving."

Derek smirked, liking the idea already, "What have you in mind mamma?"

"Well _Daddy_, I think I'll let you take charge." She said and used a totally new nickname, she watched the doubt and caution of the matter cast across Derek's face, and her smile grew, "you heard right, Daddy." She said using it again.

Derek remained speechless, not really knowing whether to laugh or cry in that moment.

"Just gonna look at me like that, Hot Stuff?" She asked him coyly and tilted her head, as though knowing exactly what his mind was running through at that moment.

Derek nodded.

"Why?" She asked him, her voice almost teasing him, and leant in, "Is it because we're going to have a rugrat running around in, oooh, about 6 months?"

Derek began to chuckle as he sensed her excitement, "you woman are amazing!" He said and pulled her close, kissing her greedily, not seeming to sate his addiction for her. "I've been waiting to hear this for too long!"

"You know me," she said as he kissed his lips tenderly, "I like to keep you waiting just to get your blood up." She teased him.

"Oh and don't you love your comeuppance for such behaviour."

"Mmmhmm," she told purred at him, fully ready for this punishment. She put her head to the side, a hand going to the back of his head, while one remained wrapped around his neck, she bit her lip as she thought, her lips curling into a slight curve as she did so.

"What you thinking about, Baby?" He asked her gently, wanting to know what he couldn't read on her at that moment.

Penelope parted her lips, breathing in the silence for a moment before speaking at all.

"For so long I just wanted to scream at you for not helping me, I wanted to ask you why this time you wouldn't save me, but in the end you did." Penelope told him tearfully, "you really saved me."

Derek felt the lump in his throat hardened, "how?"

"I could've sunk, Derek, I could've given up when I found out the truth but the love we share kept me afloat, it kept me looking forward, it gave me hope." She smiled brightly at him, "and now, here, with you, in our house, all I can dream of is the future because it's now happening! I'm living my happily ever after and that's all down to you."

"I'm thankful I saved you then." Derek said and picked her up, letting her wrap her legs around his waist as he pushed her against the wall, readying to seduce her and make love to her all night long. "Because I'm finally living my happily ever after, Baby Girl."

Once again Penelope found herself lost at the hands of Derek, and she decided if there was ever a time and a place to get lost in life, it was here, in her happily ever after.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- This Time Won't You Save Me? -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:**_**THE ENNND! **_

_I wanna thank everyone that stuck in there and loved this story... and I won't apologise for the tissues needed at the beginning ;) _


End file.
